the gospel according to ali

dear friends,

2010-02-24T19:11:00.000-08:00

please. get me in this band.

meet PREVIOUSLY ON LOST. they are legend. and also members of the sick band FOXY SHAZAM. damn. if you love LOST as much as i do, you will freak your shit. go to their myspace, there are a bazillion more videos and songs like, the ballad of sayid and be my constant.
so then i clicked on their website and THIS popped up. brilliant side dude. seriously check it oooouuuuuut.

side notes:
a) how incredible is this last season of lost. right??

b) whilst googling "previously on lost" i found this triiiiippy video.
WHAT?

my cousin, my hero.

2009-07-21T12:10:00.000-07:00

dude. i have real-life HERO in my fam. check this video and my amazing cousin, officer SEAN HAMILL as he saves a baby! for real!!

musical! theatre!! (instert jazz hands here)

2009-07-14T23:08:00.000-07:00

i don't know if y'all know this about your dear blogger extraordinaire, but she used to be waaay into musical theatre in high school. like i all i wanted in the whole wide world was to be a broadway superstar. (f.y.i. i also felt just as strongly about being a professional sailor and an opera singer and a jazz singer and a truck driver. i got a short attention span. see all my other blog entries for proof.) somewhere along the way i lost the love. don't know why but i think it has something to do with the sweet discovery that i could have my very own rock and roll band. but just recently i found the love again. and it felt oh! so! super! btw i'm gonna see if i can get my momma to wrangle some old school photos of me in weird stage makeup and funny costumes to share...

so i work at the fire every monday evening for the most glorious open-mic in all of philadelphia. i'm sorry all ye who hosteth open-mics out there and think it's like the best, but what i say is true. mostly it's thanks to our fearless leader/host jonas t. oesterle. you ever heard of charisma? and hilarity? jonas=the embodiment of all that is awes. and all the ACTUAL amazing talent that endlessly shuffles through thine doors. plus it's like totally always fun as shiiiiiiiiit.

okay, getting to the original point of this post (what? a little endless rambling never hurt anybody. and that's why you all love me so much) my buddy ryan williams, an all-star regular, asked me like a week ago to sing with him for our most recent open-mic theme night, "song of the silver screen and stage," which was btw, uh. may. zing. meet ryan:

ryan chose the cute to the max, suddenly seymore from little shop of horrors and guess who forgot to listen to the song (not having heard it in like 8 years)? you guessed it!!!! me me me me meeeeeee.... so i'm bartending away, flirting with some hot dude at the end of the bar when ryan asked if i was ready to sing in 15 mins. and i was all "oh fuck! i forgot!" so i grabbed steve quaranta's ipod and listened to it once, then played it through with ryan once, then ran on stage.

here it 'tis. me, back to my musical theatre roots. holler.

with sweet under stah-ah-ahhhh! nding,
ali.

LA LA LA-la la la-laaah laaaah. i love you!

2009-06-04T10:41:00.000-07:00

yes. the love affair with LA continue-eth. how long have i dreamed of getting savagely tan on your beaches, gaping endlessly at your surfer dudes? vacationing in malibu at britney's beach compound? roller-skating down the venice boardwalk? rockcing your rockingest rock venues tainted with rock legends blood and lust? seems like forever.

but it looks like we're getting closer and closer to the day when goldiebox takes the plunge and westward-ly voyages across america. we are in talks, we are in agreement, and we are ecstatic at the possibility that this might very well happen. nothing is set in stone yet. more like a spit-shake or "my word is stronger than oak" jerry maguire-like verbal contract, if you will. we know this is the next step. and we know we want to be there. and we know with a giant move potentially looming before us, it might just be the push we need to juice up the band on steroid-like skills. [minus the roid-rages and... ahem... :) shrinking extremities] we aim for greatness. and i think, maybe--just maybe--we're on the path of utter band excellence.

but it takes time and it takes patience. so i shall wait and i shall charge forth. and i shall try my darndest to save money and stop buying useless crap. breathe, ali. you can do it.

so as i gather all my video/photos/rope in my brain to update ali's blog-land on our most recent california gourney, keep in mind your blogger's severe ADD and know she's trying really hard to accomplish said task amongst many many other pressing issues. it's worth the wait, whatever that may be. trip was fun AS SHIT.

i! am! a! DRUM GOD!!

2009-05-14T21:57:00.000-07:00

my hidden talent. thought i'd share.

yeah, i know. i'm incredible. hard to believe i've been keeping this geniosity from all of you.

trolls, comics, and middle school poems

2009-05-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

so claire and i went home to jerz for a super special funday with mom and her friend dawn in new york... a trip to see THE DAILY SHOW! boy-oh-boyeeee was it funfunfun!

we waited on line for a couple hours to get in, mom claire and dawn chit-chatted away, while yours truly straight-nerded out by absorbing face/mind in one of many new comic book obsessions PREACHER brought to you from the fabulous writer/creator garth ennis and sick ass artist steve dillon. seriously the best comic i've read so far. straight up crazy. here is my fav character ARSEFACE who attempted suicide because of crazy obsession with kurt cobain:

this new dork-o-riffic obsession formed a couple months ago when the one the only timothy john arnold bequeathed to me THE WALKING DEAD. zombies rule! changed my life and murtalyzed my wallet. seriously comics are MAAAAAAD expensive. and not like i've got all this extra cash rollin around to support the habit. but... i......can't....... stop!! but luckily timmy leant me his entire collection whilst on tour to keep me busy. okok, back to jonny stewart.

so show ruled. mom claire and i were out-of-control ridiculous. during the enthusiastic little pep-talk intro before the show, we were told to laugh extra hard and ludicrously for proper studio audience laughing. so even though the chuckles were genuine (man is funny as shit!) we definitely took it to a whooole other level. claire and i kept trying to laugh loud as all hell and when no one else was laughing so we could pick out our laughs when we went home and watched later. but alas, we heard nothing. wah wahhhh.

tom hanks was the guest du jour. when we left the studio we saw mad creepy people running full speed with that thing you do and castaway posters and shit. so mom was all, "oooh! let's go see tommy!" so we waited around the back with mom excitedly waving her cell phone at every single person exiting the building. claire was so embarrassed ha! she was all, "come on mom... i'm hungry..." so we saw tom, very anti-climactic. kindof weird actually. must be so bazaar being that famous! (not that i'll let that stop me! bring it on!!) here's back of tom's head and all the swarmers:

so we ate mexican food claire drank giant bucket of margaritas saw kimi and biclops had organic beverages went home watched daily show had a beer read comics went to bed.

next morning woke up and whilst adjusting laundry in basement i rolled over to the storage corner and found some real jems. JEMS I TELL YOU! firstly i found a bag filled with old middle school journals. so goddamn funny. but mostly just depressing. i read through all of them on the ride back to philly and what the fuck?! high school was so whack. the shit that was important to me then was so laaaaaame. literally every entry was all, "why doesn't XXXXXX like me??? i hate XXXXX!! he's like so stupid!" over and over and over again. and tons of, "mom's so mean! i'm grounded AGAIN! wahwahwahhh!"oh it was horrifying.

i did find a journal that i kept during our first trip to russia with dad. it was so awesome. here's a little excerpt from DAY 1: AUGUST 5th, 1996:

I'm on the plane now. It's been 2 1/2 hours last time i asked dad, which was maybe 15 min. ago. I'm not sure what the movie is supposed to be, but the little Delta Magazine said it starts 4 hrs. into the flight. Geez this is a long plane ride! I think it's the longest one I've ever been on. Yup--London was 6 or something. This one's going to be 8-9 hrs. It won't seem very long if I sleep. I'm not tired, though. Dad's asleep, I had to wake him up to get this pen. Hmmm...Let's see. I've gone to the bathroom 4 times 2-day. Once at the house in NH, once at the car-park place & 2 times on this plane. Now there's some dumb movie (Discovery Channel) about the Olympic Athletes of the world. It was cool for about 6 minutes. Then it grew boring. I read cosmo for the 1st 2 hours of the plane. I was so into it. Next, I'm going to read my Archie & Jughead comic book which I bought. It looks super cool. I'm sitting next to this really weird Russian man who's giving me the creeps! He doesn't say a thing. La La La, I am bored. Claire tried to talk to me across the aisle, but some ugly-ass dude got in the way. So, the both of us are trying to dodge around his butt to make eye-contact. As soon as he got the hint (5 million years later) I found out she only wanted to tell me she was bored. So I gave her my Cosmo, & she shut up. Well, I gotta go. If anything exciting happens later, I'll write it. Bye!

ha! fifteen-year old ali. oh boy oh boy. i bet we were so annoying. in later entries i was writing how disgusting the food was and how awesome "micky-deees" was. i think we literally ate mc donald's every day because we were major brat-a-licios american creeps. hee heee.

we also found THESE in mom's basement:

yeah. claire and i used to collect trolls. i don't know what to say. trolls are whack-a-doodle-doo. but! i am already thinking of all the silly fucked up shit i can do with them all. haHA! just you wait.

time for work. ali out!

fantasy square garden sooooo live!

2009-04-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

we play. tonight.

at the khyber. you like SERIOUSLY don't want to miss this. we go on at 11:30.

do you like r. kelly and red-heads?

2009-04-09T12:19:00.000-07:00

i do! especially this red head.

check this fucking video out.

busy busy busy!

2009-04-07T13:19:00.000-07:00

so as i sit here frantically trying to sort through all the things on my shadoo list (like a to-do list, things i reeeaaally shadoo) i decided to check off number 823 on said list and create a goldiebox blog. peep it/follow it for all things goldiebox. and yes, i promise more 'me me me' blogs to come. i swurrr.

our food system is fucked.

2009-03-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

check it:

for real dude.

We have bigger-breasted chickens, the perfect pork chop, insecticide-resistant soybean seeds, even tomatoes that won't go bad, but we also have new strains of e coli--the harmful bacteria that causes illness for an estimated 73,000 Americans annually. We are riddled with widespread obesity, particularly among children, and an epidemic level of diabetes among adults.

my good buddy liz solms at the awesome! sweet pea nourishment has all these FREEEEE TICKETS to go see this explosive documentary, food inc. holler at sweetpeanourishment@gmail.com if you want to join us at the premiere this sunday march 29th 5pm at the prince theater on broad and chestnut. free. see you there.

confessions of a merch girl: ah!! texas! part one.

2009-03-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

we made it!!

texas smelled so good. we drove with the windows down and timmy played me some lyle lovett--my need for country music was scratching and clawing my insides like a rabid horny hampster--and yes, it's hard to believe timmy loves lyle lovett, but it's the gosh darn troof. first he played me this song swearing up and down that it would be my new theme song, my alma mater, my graceland. after listening to this, you'll understand why:

if i had a boat, i'd go out on the ocean.
and if i had a pony, i'd ride him on my boat.
and we could all together, go out on the ocean,
me upon my pony on my boat.

um, riding a pony on a boat? yeah. how could that song NOT be written for/about me? and is it just me or is lyle lovett mad sexy?

then this song came on as a nice little hug, saying "hey good old war! you're not from texas, but texas loves you anyway!!"

as soon as we crossed over everything changed. the air changed. we got real quiet. it might have been lyle lovett, it might have been the majestical sunset over the texas plains. it might have been my texas childhood flooding my brain with a thousand little memories. the scenery changed so fast from the green wet swamps of louisiana to just so much space. it's humbling and awe-inspiring coming from the crowded northeast to see all this land. this country is just so darn big!

how often at night where the heavens are bright
with the light of the glittering stars
have I stood there amazed and asked as I gazed
if their glory exceeds that of ours

so we drove to a little hotel outside of austin so keith and dan could get some beauty rest. throughout the trip down a little sickness started to ravage their precious vocal chords so a good night's sleep was muy importante before what we knew stood in front of us: the funnest most exhausting weekend, ever. so we drank in the sleep knowing it would be the last of it for a while.

where the skies are not cloudy all day,
ali.

confessions of a merch girl: descending into the south.

2009-03-19T13:17:00.000-07:00

hi. ali here. i am writing this curled up in the van with the painful beginnings of a massive sunburn--the day was enjoyed immensely, despite said burnnigs. we're late afternoon cruising in western louisiana (an afternoon delight, if you will) and it looks like we shall literally ride into the sunset as soon as we scoot on over to the lone star state. ahhhh.. but more about that later. time to get y'all up to speed!

much fun was had at the next stop after virginia: soapbox laundromat and exxxtreme music venue in wilmington, north carolina. first suprise/ freaky amazing coincidence on the agenda: our buddy andrew lipke would be playing the same night downstairs! andrew is also on his way down to sxsw and oh my! t'was lovely to see him and his bangin band, the prospects. upstairs good old war and hoots and hellmouth played, killed it, some whiskey was had, and then as dan and tim loaded up the gear into our mobile mansion i was able to sing a few songs with andrew, some more whiskey was had, then on to project keep danny boy entertained whilst driving us overnight to simpsonville, south carolina--home of the one. the only. arnold fam! since we had a few days before sxsw we decided to take some time and visit lots of people we love!

and oh what a treat beyond all treats! tim's parents are only like the most awesomest people ever. here's johnny a (tim's dad) enjoying a private performance from the boys:

we had a glorious time maxing and relaxing and eating chicken pot pie and strawberry shortcake and practicing for a super-top-secret sxsw performance! here's a little hint: i catch tim practicing the special song in his mom's quiling room...

what a super guy!

after some beauty rest for the boys, and buttloads of snacks from super mom betty a, we hit the road for the great state of my birth--loUiSiAna!!! my mama's bestie miss nora lives in baton rouge and knew it would be the most perfectest place to stop off before austin! so off we went! (after a brief stop/rendezvouz with our dear friends melissa and jamie, the terlecki twins--and a major feast at EATS! ughhhhh... soooo insaaanely gooooood. dude i'm STILL full) into the deep fried south.

nora's was a deeee-light. she waited up for us until we rolled in at 2 am with a giantesque snack platter of soup and brownies and ice cream. (all i'm sayin is... this tour we got treated weh-eh-ell!) we spent the next day lounging in the backyard--some outdoor sports were played, pedicures were given, some more top secret sxsw practices were held (hahahaha) and an impromptu good old war performance was held for miss nora to thank her for her kind southern hospitality.

notice the blazing sun beating on bare, pale, philadelphian skin and please consider the pain we are all about to endure. owchi-wa-wa!

we gave our hugs and hit the road once more for the final glorious stretch to texas. updates to follow on the wild and crazy texas antics of these fair gentle men.

in sunsets and spurs,

ali ali ali!

confessions of a merch girl: a frat house and the boot.

2009-03-13T14:37:00.000-07:00

so yeah. i'm on tour with my good ol' pals good old war en route to the gloriousness that is about to be SOUTH BY MOTHERFUCKING SOUTHWEST. aaaaand boy oh boy, i am already having the best time ever!

so we started the old tour out in DC at the rock and roll hotel and the show was totally sweet. free falafel and keith's strapping young fratboy cousin. charming fellow. he rolled through with his entire fraternity and danced and drank and bought buttloads of merchandise. after the show we all packed in the van for a late-nite tour of our glorious capitol (mainly just the local starbucks) and a sleepover at sig ep. which was, btw the most fancy schmancy frat house i have ever been in. they had maids! we knew it was going to be a wacky night when we walked into the main area and they were having jew-cino night, which i didn't really know what that would entail but i guess it was just hosted by the only jewish brother. what? keith won his first hand at blackjack then retired with his winnings (fitty-cent) like a... good little saver. we then traveled to a real-life college dorm room and almost got busted for underage drinking... but that's another story. a funny funnyyyyyy story. needless to say, it was a sick start to the tour. here's keith's cuz the morning after fun frat-tiiime on his way to take a test. ha! (notice excellent bed head)

after NOT getting to see the white house (i'm still upset about it. what. EVER!) we hit the road for norfolk, virginia. i spent most of the drive snuggled up in my snuggie--a MUST for tour. luckily snuggies are sold on infomercials in pairs so there is less bickering among the non-snuggled.

we arrived in norfolk, virginia mad early so we checked into our cheapo hotel, which turned out to be incredible! immediately upon dropping off our bags tim and i ran in the rain to the pool house for major pool/hot tub sesh and sauna time. the sauna sucked ass and just would not get hot enough. tim refused to believe that it wasn't hot enough so sat in the sauna forEVER and yelled at his pours to sweat. a few minor droplets dribbled out and the man was satisfied.

then we were off to the venue where we got fed a giant and amazing meal. they even made me my own glutarded dinner that was deeeelicious! the staff was so friggin nice. oh! and all of the men working at the boot were mustachioed and in vests and so very very cute. an excellent plus in my book. the boys also had a chance to sit in the van and warm up their angelic little voices. check it out.

so we've been sharing the shows down to sxsw with the lovely and talented band hoots and hellmouth. an amazing gaggle of bee-you-ti-fil musicians. ali harbors a major band crush on hellmouth. shhh...

after the show we sailed back to the hotel, slept like big fat logs, and embarked on the massive drive down to wilmington, north carolina. check back for north and south carolina deets.

to be continued...

oh, crap. hello 2009?

2009-03-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

so... yeah. it's been a while. what can i say? my priority ceased to be you (not you jess huester, but you! my fair readers whom i surely have lost and will have to blog extra awesomely and impress!). my major! apologies.

i'll make it up to you.

coming soon: lots of brown-noseblogging and virtual ass kissing.

what haunts my dreams.

2008-12-18T00:14:00.001-08:00

how is it possible for a city to have the greatest mascot of all time (meet the phillies phanatic!):

and the HANDS-DOWN WORST MOST ANNOYING SCARIEST MASCOT EVERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! meet the 76ers HIP HOP. ugh.

went to a sixers game tonight with stephrock. killer seats. fun fun times. scary scary muscular silver mutant bunny man. yeeeesh.

my life=awes.

2008-12-07T01:17:00.000-08:00

i don't know if you heard yet, but...

i got motherfucking CABLE!!!

ahhh... it's glorious. it's been years and years since i had this luxurious luxury. i've been against getting it for so very long that i totally and completely forgot how much it kicks! ass!

where else would i see a channel where they play britney spears all day! every day! aye-chee-wawa! (have you seen for the record yet?? omgeezy. brit's life is crazy yo.) amazin-in-a-blazin-haze winter themed screensavers like crack-a-lackin fireplaces with smooth jazz musak verions of shitty christmas tunes. i plan on using said fake fireplace videos to "set the mood" if you know what i mean... and incredbile amazing movies i totally forgot all about, like SKI PATROL!

but here-in lies a giantesque prob. i can't sleeeeep when there's so many sweeet things on tv! i suspect this feeling will go away eventually. i have an insane addictive personality so i will allow cable to take the place of smoking cigs for the time being. (and the stuffing my large mouth with massive quantities of food.) then i'm assuming the novelty will wear off. i get bored easily anyway.

but until that day, i will continue to love you and cherish you tv.

see y'all at the goldiebox show tonight!

blowing my load.

2008-12-03T15:40:00.000-08:00

my friend jess informed me that i regularly BLOW MY LOAD on my blog. i'll go for a week without writing anything then in one day i explode all over this here page with a million bazillion posts. then a whole nother week with a whole lotta nothin. then blau! explosions. well here's me BLOWING MY LOAD once again. for you jess.

and speaking of blowing my load... how about some 'load-blowing' related topics? hahaha.

my love of semen goes waaaay back to the days (insert obvious disgusting joke here you filthy pigs!) in 2003-2004 when i worked as an artist's assistant for the amazingly famous and amazingly amazing kehinde wiley. check his website out. his paintings are redic. my BFF emily weiner, who also happens to be an insaaane painter, got me the job. and good god! was it ever the greatest. we would get to his studio at the crack of 3pm, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes (oh the days when i used to smoke... haha!), listen to NPR and paint paint paint until he would wisk us away to some fabulous club and drink drink drink! those were the days. now he's entirely too famous to chat regularly with me, but still just as fabulous.

so, on the sperm tip: my very first day i showed up with weiner totes nervous. i had been living at my mom's house in north north jerz and had spent the previous months fighting nonstop with her. praise be the mom gods that i no longer live with her so we totally get along swimmingly now! so kehinde was working on a series where the backgrounds were seas of golden sperm swimming around these glam baroque figures. we started painting away and mom calls for the millionth time. i pick up and i'm all like "excuse me mother i cannot talk right now i am working" and she all like "ahhhh! you're such an ungrateful spoiled child!!! ahhh!!!!" (which i probably was at this point) and i'm trying to keep my cool around kehinde who is painting right next to me and i'm like "i will speak with you later mother dearest" and she continues to scream scream away and i hang up on her. frustrated and freaked out, i picked up my jar of GOLD LAQUER saying, "oh mother. she's such a card..." or something like that and with a nervous arm spasm proceed to SPEW THE ENTIRE JAR OF GOLD LAQUER ALL OVER THE HALF FINISHED CANVAS. you should have seen weiner's and my face. mortified wouldn't even begin to explain. i had already accepted that i would definitely be fired, and that i might even owe this man 100,000 or something like that. it was my first day!

so then kehinde sees the spill. he yells, "stop right there! hmm... it looks like a cum shot. i love it." and there it was. i continued to work for him to my deeelight and my splooge ended up making it onto the cover of ART FORUM. hee hee. well here's the painting:

so here are some more sperm related items. this week on my favoritest NPR SHOW RADIOLAB (jad.... ahhhh.....) the subject was SPERM!!!! check it out! they address the idea that since we can freeze sperm indefinitely, why are the men still around??! hee hee. listen for the answer.

hmm... all this blogging is making me hungry. might have to whip myself up something deeeee-lish! from this here cookbook! ahahaha!!! it's totally real and totally a semen cookbook.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

what a superdeeduper holday gift that will make! check out this recipe for the almost white russian (not pictured are the man-made oysters and creamy cum crepes. dead serious.):

now's the time when i wish i had a cigarette after that load. haha jk guys. jk.

want to see my...

2008-12-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

so i have yet to discuss with you all the greatness that is GOLDIEBOX. so we started this band a month and a half ago. then we had our first show. boyohboyohboy! was it awes!!! so many of you came and screamed and yelled and squeezed and crammed into the tiny teenieweenie room that is the fire. we had so much fun!

even though it was a huuuge challenge for me to play bass and sing at the same time, mission was majorly accomplished and now i can say clearly proudly say, "I AM A BASS PLAYER!" boooyah.

for your enjoyment here are some crapulous fan videos from our first gig EVER. first is UNCLE VICTOR and second is HEADLINER (featuring the sexy that is jacob weiss a.k.a. MC STEAK!!!)

you like what you see bitches??! uhhhhhh. nah nah nah naaaahhhhhhh! come see us for OUR SECOND SHOW EVER!!! this sunday. at the m room. i promise not to wear pants again.

my lil' dancing outlaw

2008-12-03T14:03:00.001-08:00

on to more movies/people i'm completely totally obsessed with. meet jesco white, "acclaimed mountain dancer and entertainer" from boone county, west virginia. i watched this here documentary while visiting los angeles a couple months back and fell in L-O-V-E!!!! just the elvis obsession is enough to bind us forever as soul-mates. then the airplane glue sniffing, violent outbursts, wife-beating, emotional issues, straight up ignorance... well... we're basically the same person.

so the amazingly awes metal band MASTADON (!!!) used a jesco quote as the intro to the song "Hail to Fire" off their debut EP Lifesblood. quoteth jesco, "i put the butcher knife up to her neck and said if you wanna live to see tomorrow, you better start fryin' 'em eggs a little better'n what'chu been fryin' 'em. i'm tired of eatin' sloppy, slimy eggs!" watch here...

a video of jesco danciiiing in sweet appalachia...

a super recent interview with jesco. jeeesh is it scary. but worth watching to hear his take on vietnamese women... like, soooooooo right on.

and here's the orig clip where jesco dances on roseanne. tom arnold paid to have jesco cover up his swastika tattoos on his hands. jesco occrued them in the slammer and had no idea what they meant. wah wah...

what a long strange trip it's been! hahahaha

2008-11-25T11:22:00.000-08:00

day five. ayayayayae. quitting smoking is so sucky! i will remain strong. any tips would be appreciated yo. or pats on the back.

confessions of a quitter: part one.

2008-11-24T13:08:00.000-08:00

so jessica huester breezed into town from sunny bunny los angeles for the hollydays. we went out for some beverages last evening at the standard tap and proceeded to get an excellent drunk on. jess recalled when she first met me this blog on myspace about my quitting smoking. needless to say, anyone who knows this pathetic chain-smoker, i am still miserably addicted and involved in an abusive co-dependant relationship with phillip morris. so this got me thinking. when was this alleged myspace blog? and when was the last time i attempted quitting? within one-and-a-half minutes i had my answer.

Friday, May 27, 2005

nicorette totally blows

so this is my 17th attempt at quitting smoking and i'm the fucking worst at it. why is it that i can find the lamest excuse to have one? goddamn sin sticks. i know i look incredibly cool smoking and it feels oh so right, but i think i really want it this time. too many reasons to quit. number one- the "i'm not a chicken, you're a turkey" commercial finally got to me. number two- dan won't let me sing in any bands with him until i quit completely, because i can't wail to my full potential anymore. and dan's my ride to super-stardom. number three- i'm all out of money, and i could be spending that 5 dollars a day on feeding myself instead. it all makes sense and i understand and i want it but right now i'm totally dying for one of those delicious motherfuckers, i've knawed off both my arms in an extreme nicotene fit and am now typing with my tongue. basically, I'M IN HELL.

then looking through my comments i saw that after first failure, i made a second unsuccessful attempt on new years eve. i think i only made it three days if i remember correctly. la-hoo-sa-herrr. peter wayne burton (the 'urkel' to jess huester's 'laura') put it nicely, "nicorette only blows because you suck - literally. then, coincidentally, you blow too."

so here's attempt number 19? today begins day number four. got tha nicorette. (ninjarette) made it through a night of drinking some serious wine, which always seems to be the hardest part. i'm definitely older, maybe i'm a little wiser too. let's see how we dooooo dooooooo do do do. ah!

wish me luck!

i just! ate a bug!!

2008-11-20T23:00:00.001-08:00

untamed heart is only like the saddest movie ever. ughhh. the sadness factor completely slipped my mind cause it's been like foreeeever since i've seen it. i was a big fat couch potato all night long. i drank soda. i ate chocolate. i only rose from the couch to get more soda and pee. it was glorious. so there i sat on the couch--crying my eyes out well after the movie finished at 1:35 am--completely wide wide awake (with work tomorrow morning!). so what's a sad sad girl to do?? ONLY WATCH ONE OF THE GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME!!!!

OVERBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh goldie. what a jem. what a jewel. what class and sophistication! and the outfits!!! if i lived on a yacht in the mid 80's and had buttloads of money i would want to look just like joanna stayton here.

so still wiiiiide awake but no longer a blubbering idiot (except for the scene when they pull away from the house in the limo and all the kids start running after her and pounding on the window and pee wee herman child yells, "you said moms don't leave!"). i swear i could watch this movie a million bazillion times. ahhh... "my life is like death. my children are the spawn of hell. and you're the devil." hee hee heeeee.

sooooo... supposedly there is a BOLLYWOOD film that was modeled after the greatness that is overboard ek ladka ek ladki (a boy and a girl) directed by vijay sadanah. and not just modeled after, but completely and totally like exactly the same. except it's a glamorous bollywood film. and it appears that there might be an extra twist/violence in the indian version. hmmm. i expect i will be seeing this movie very soon.

here is glorious birthday scene (sooo similar to o-board, y'all). amazing solo dance routine by the "joanna/annie" character at around 3 minutes. i expect all of you to learn this happy birthday song and perform it for me at my next birthday party.

okokokok... need to try and sleeeeeeeeeep. night night night!!!!!

my fav blog.

2008-11-20T13:18:00.000-08:00

meet tavi. she's prolly the cutest little twelve year-old from chicago, illinois i've ever seen. a few weeks ago i stumbled acress her blog and flipped the fuck out. her blog's called style rookie and she blogs about school and her parents and pretty things but most insanely amazing and fabulousity are the outfits she crafts and the photos she takes of herself modeling the amazing outfits. she's just so eff-ing cute. as a god damned button.

i knew she was the cat's pajamas when i saw one of her older posts about grey gardens and the always fabulous "little edie" bouvier beale. tis a fabulous documentary from the 70's about jackie onassis's aunt and cousin living driving each other bonkers in run-down shit filled house in the hamptons with cats and raccoons. i saw the doc at big e's house last year and became insaaanely obsessed much with little edie. big e and i even fashioned ourselves home-made edie-style head wraps out of old curtains. which in turn sparked my turban obsession.

here's a video with oodles and oodles of little edie and her amazing outfits:

oh, and the part when she proclaims, "are you absolutely crazy? there isn't anything i can't do!" right before launching into a full on patriotic u.s.o.-style flag waving march/dance to a virginia military institute band record. it's beee-you-ti-ful.

a trip for auntie coo-coo.

2008-11-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

so tomorrow, well, more like four hours from now claire and i will be embarking on a long early morning amtrak train to boston for our great aunt claire's funeral. she was my sister claire's namesake (who was also unknowingly born on the same day as aunt claire! so effing weird) and one hell of a woman. she led a totally rad life filled with all things fun and beautiful and she will be greatly missed.

even though the day will be filled with sadness, i really am looking forward to the train ride though. i love trains. i will be spending hours brainstorming songs with sis, visiting the bar car for breakfast beverages, meeting strangers, peering out the window romantically at the passing trees, "leaf peeping" if you will, and reading these three books i am currently reading at the same time. i have ADD. i also love to read so reading multiple books works so very well for the attention deficient. and the glutarded.

now considering i have four hours instead of three (thank you daylight savings time! seems like only yesterday we were springing ahead) i can relax and keep procrastinating the whole packing ordeal.

goodnight philadelphia, sleep well.

and now, through the burning bush cometh...

2008-11-01T22:40:00.000-07:00

GOLDIEBOX!

we rise from the ashes and form a band the likes of which have never been seen! yes, ladies and germs: meet my super group. on keys/guitars/vox/bass: claire wadsworth (my blood), on drums: stephanie whitaker (my boo), and also on keys/guitars/vox/bass: alison wadsworth (yours truly-uly). it's pretty darn sweeet.

behold c & s on day one in new carpenter street practice space (since formation, existence of more equipment is evident. also with significantly more empty tea cups and cig butts):

it all started way back when (three weeks ago) when steph-rock brought her drum kit over. i was all bring that shit! and she was all it's already been broughten! then tim arnold came over and tuned the shit out of the kit and discovered a 3rd tom hiding in the bass drum. it was a silly/amazing discovery.

then we got to writing.

then we got a gig (continue reading for further information on gig deets).

then we got to some more writing and really started to get muy excitedo! currently we are at five! new! songs! including but not limiting to:

our first born song: zombie prom.
we only got this gig cause we fucked the headliner.
sex cannibal (co-written by dave cope).

please stay tuned for future hardcore band photographs--photoshoot scheduled with the one, the only CHUCKLES!!--which is destined for our professional-like myspace page (also on the rise). recording via garageband is the process, as are videos and other fun lil' tidbits. more importantly on the rise though, is ME. yes thine friends, ali's back from her musical coma. in like serious effect. and it feels fucking great. ahhhhhhhh...

UPCOMING NOVEMBER GIGS YOU NEED TO MAKE TIME FOR:

saturday, november 8, 9pm at the northstar bar, at 2639 poplar street. claire and ali sing with the fabulous andrew lipke for his huge record release party.
saturday, november 15, 8?pm at the fire, at 412 west girard. this be the first show ever with our totally new awesome 60's psychedelic glam rock band with dave cope, band name still in discussion. i'll get back to you on that one.
tuesday, november 25, 8?pm at the fire again. this also be the first show ever for GOLDIEBOX. huge. also part of andrew lipke's november residence at the fire.

be prepared for total explosions in your mind. AHHH!!!!!!!

back from the dead! an apology to you fair readers.

2008-11-01T17:47:00.000-07:00

sorry sorry sorry. i suh-suh-suck! at blogging these days. what was ONCE (like three gotdamn weeks ago!) my favoritest past-time, slowly started drifting to the back of my mind waaay behind the phillies winning the fucking WORLD SERIES! and my fav day holloweener, janet moving out of our house (the maaaaayjah sadness just hit me as i typed those words), steph-rock moving in (excitedment slammed me as i typed those words too), oprah running away (she's back! hallelujah!!), and practicing furiously with my two new bands--aye carumba! i can't believe i haven't told you all about new dave cope project with, you guessed it, dave cope, and new carpenter street house band explosion, GOLDIEBOX. yes, 'tis named after the infamous philly roller girl, and yes, it's THAT good y'all.

needless to say, i'm totes sor. freals (thanks steph!).

will obvi be filling you in on all of these parts of my life in future postings. the future will begin now as i start compiling all of the backlogged data/pictures/videos/hilarity.

philadelphia freaks the fuck out.

2008-10-16T20:33:00.000-07:00

hallelujah. praise be to the baseball gods. the phils are going to the world series. totes beyond sweet. claire and i wandered along broad street and ran into a lot of our drunk friends freaking the fuck out along with the rest of the entire city freaking the fuck out on broad street. here's when the shut broad street down.

and more mayhem. and cops.

and what would the phils going to world series be if we didn't see some fine drunk-ass philly white trash boobies??

jad + ali, sittin in a tree

2008-10-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

meet jad. i love jad.

jad abumrad is the host of by far my totes fav NPR/WNYC shows radiolab. as you may well know i am in-your-face-annoying style about my love for NPR especially fresh air host extraordinaire terry gross, you bet your garden host mike mcgrath, and the car talk brothers tom and ray magliozzi, a.k.a. CLICK and CLACK. they are my special little buddies that entertain the shit out of me. i would get rid of all my friends just to hang with them for a day. jk dudes, jk.

but one person i would in fact trade all of you for is the always lovely jad. for cereal. oh did i mention i had a sex dream about him last night? ah... it was glorious. i don't recall much from the elusive dream, all i remember is his retardedly sexy smooth calming radio voice. and his rapist wit. and his intelligent little quips and engrossing stories. and his straight-up-now-tell-me sexiness. i tell you i can't stop thinking about him and his questions about the scientific and philisophical nature. what is time? what is morality? oh... where are you now jad? dang.

for all y'all that have yet to listen to radiolab, check that shit. you can listen to past amazing shows and learn lots of neat! fun! stuff! wow! yeah...! truly awes.

omg! omg!

2008-10-14T12:11:00.000-07:00

did you EVER think you'd see the day when ali blogs about sports? (other than sports of the roller persuasion) well, the day has cometh. with avengeance!

i just can't help myself cause boyohboyohboyohboy! this is just waaay too exciting! the fucking phillies now lead the NLCS 3 to 1 after a super-uber nailbitingexciting win against the dodgers 7-5. the phils were glorious. even with the "pillowbiters"... you kick ass! double live gonzo! intensity in ten cities! live at budakon!

here's a little recap recap of the stupendous game!

"this might be over quicker than we think..." quoteth the portleman.

for a real proper-like re-cap of the game and all things phillies baseball and other sports stuff please go to the dalembert report.

go phillies!!!!!

baby you can drive my car... to the drive-in!

2008-10-11T16:55:00.000-07:00

ahh... the delsea drive-in... how i love theeee! tonight i am waiting for a few pal-erinos to whisk me away to the only drive-in movie theater in the great state of new jersey. this may or may not be the last weekend it will be open for the season. not for sure sure, but i'm like pretty sure. a tear. this means the fall is straight up here! which is fine and dandy with me, i love me some holloweeeeeen! but i will miss you summer. we had some major bonding q.t. with you at our secret lost lake of vineland, new jerz and the dear dear drive-in. mostly with this crew hurrr: (claire, sarah, and steph)

here we are earlier in the sum-summah. don't remember much except for the fact that we drank two bottles of veuve, mad cheese fries, and laughed incessently. oh, the joy!

so, as it turns out i am going majorly behind my girls back. steph is working at swank bubs, and claire and sarah are both working at fergie's and are very very upset with yours truly for venturing to vineland without them. they are sooo jeal. but whatEVER! just cause you turds have to work i have to suffer to make you feel better. big NAY-NO to that one. sor.

sarah DID threaten me. and i got scurrrred. wanna know why? cause she did THIS to our door guy last night. yiiiiikes.

ooooh! here we go. yayayay. to all of you who have not visited this amazing land--you must before it's too late! i plan to making another voyage next weekend if it's still open. seeen? seen!

you must...

2008-10-10T17:05:00.000-07:00

come to this party. it's gonna be off-the-hoooooooook!

p.s. barack obama is speaking in north-north phil tomorrow maaaaaad early. i WILL in fact be getting up at 5:45am to be there when doors open at 6:15. anyone wanna jump on the bandwagon with yours truly?? i'm a real jem in the morning.

here's to me! and me! and me! and meee!!!!!!

2008-10-10T15:09:00.000-07:00

so on my birthday, i "worked" and by "worked" i mean got two extra people to work with (for) me so i could get incredibly wasted with all my friends but still make money on all my friends coming to see meeeee!

luckily! i brought my trusty new flip camera out with me so everyone could tell funny ali stories/testimonials. most are totes inappropes (in part because the "main theme" of the evening was partners of the intimate nature of alison wadsworth ha!), so an apology to part-time director eric mosca, some of the videos (which really truly are some of the greatest short films/clips i have ever seen--not just because they talk about my exploits and savageness--but because they were beautifully crafted into ultimate perfection/"art" and they're funny as shit) may not be shared by the blogmaster, i.e. me (in case my mother or ellen solms were to peruse this post, i would prefer not to hang my head in shame for the rest of my life). if you would like to have a private viewing of said videos, please contact thine blogmaster and she will make them available to/for you via email.

here they be.

janet nicol milliman's story has been removed by the blog master due to copyright infringement a.k.a. ali embarrassment clause code 8.13. unfortunately it's a very lovely story about a 17-year old named dirty dan.

brian nadav's story has been removed by the blogmaster due to the fact that it is extremely embarrassing on his his part. not mine. hence: i'm a good person.

behold lily cope flashing the camera with our daytona beach friendship shirts. bffaeaeaeaeaeaeaeae (times infinity):

samuel slaughter:

eric mosca (additional videos including "secret sexual subjects numbers one through four" may in fact be removed, due to copyright infringement a.k.a. ali embarrassment clause code 8.13):

eric kaplan's story is obviously true:

shawn "jawn" hennessey (additional shawn video may in fact be removed, due to copyright infringement a.k.a. ali embarrassment clause code 8.13):

bob babjak has a really funny story to tell:

timothy arnold in a sweeeeeeeeeeeet kangol hat:

brian mc cafferty:

jacob weiss (additional jake video may in fact be removed, due to copyright infringement a.k.a. ali embarrassment clause code 8.13):

like, elizabeth solms:

and... jonas. sweet, sweet lovely jonas t. oesterle:

ah. thanks for coming out and supporting this very grateful and thankful 28-year old. especially those of you that flew black from santa fe mad late the night before. and thanks to eric, eric, jarred, and brian who at the stroke of midnight pulled out a "birthday cake" with smuggled matches and whisper sang happy birthday to me mid-flight. it was oh-so-wonderful.

santa fe re-cap on it's way. just waiting on some JERKS to send me some pictures. anyday now...

happy birthday to meeeeeee!

2008-10-06T16:28:00.000-07:00

whatwhat??! today's my birthday. i'm twenty-eight. recogniiiiiiiiize!

last night claire and stephrock threw me an impromptu fab birthday suprise party with lots-o-candy, wine, 'pagne, and scary masks when i returned totes late from the airport. (more to come tomorrow on glorious santa fe gourney, mentally exhausted from super weekend and physically exhausted from birthday drinking during the day at ray's happy birthday bar...) today mom came down from north north jerz to take me, claire, heidi and sadie out for BIRTHDAY PHO at my favorite vietnamese choo choo train place at 9th and race. then we went for a birthday shot.

mom got me this totes awes birthday prezzie. check it:

thanks ma! thanks to you i will have mucho video for my blog!! how excited are you now, my fine feathered blogowers?!

t'will be "working" tonight at the fire. thanks to my little helper paulo, i will be able to fully enjoy the company of my lovely friends stopping by to celebrate the greatness that is me. hope to see you there!!!

out of the office automatic reply.

2008-10-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

hello my brethren!

so sor that i'm being a crap-matic blogger the past few days. i'm currently in santa fe, NM living in up for reeeeaaaals in honor of the union of abby fammartino and eric hickey. i am having waaay too much fun to stop having fun to blog about how much fun i'm having. but don't you fret! all will be documented for your eyes' pleasure after i return on sunday. then monday is my birthday. it's totes sweet and desert-y here.

until we meet again...

zombie, what?

2008-09-28T23:14:00.000-07:00

yeah. we went to the zombie prom. it was sweet.

so i came back from my first band meeting/practice with cope david, who is hands down, my favoritest singer in the whole wide world. i am super-uber excited about our upcoming mega band/project--but more about that later...

so... where was i? right. came home and called my homegirl steph-dog and she was all like what should we do tonight? and i was all like i don't know. and then she was all like let's go see some live music! and i was all like that was totes what i wanted to do! so i mass texted mad peeps to see if there was any good shows a-happenin. then got mad responses but the one thing that caught mon oeille was a little something called zombie prom. and steph was sooooo down.

so we waited for claire (after getting in our bestest prom attire: me in 80's tube dress, steph as my butchy-man-date) who spent her day working as a server for the one! the only! elizabeth solms and super totes rad company sweet pea nourishment at a waaay swankalicious cocktail party in nut hill. we got the maj hook-up on the leftovers--for reeeeaaaals. excellent drunken munchies: the best goat cheese ever, local butter, chevre + mint spread, white bean + rosemary spread, beeeyoutiful bread (that i can't eat, obvi), steak!, and sooooo much more. thanks sliz!

so off we were! me and my two bull-dike-a-licios dates. it was like waaaaay fun. for those of you who didn't attend this year, make sure you get all bloodied and zombified up for next year's zombie prom which is put on by the philly zombie crawl to bring in the holloween season with a big bang! this year mr. halloween rang a big gong to commence the start of my favoritest season! we met zombie jesus and wierd zombie pirate dude and zombie flying monkey (who sneak monkey farted on claire. so messed up) and danced like there was no tomorrow to THRILLER!!!! you knooow i held that shit down on the dance floor!!!!

ah. it was sweet. and just so you know when you see me in the next few day i am seriously stained with fake blood. i can't get this shit off. i look like a mass murderer. any advice on removing blood stains from human flesh??

a gathering of gods. with really great hair.

2008-09-28T00:23:00.000-07:00

i can't speak. (i guess it's a good thing i'm writing then, huh?! buh-doom-ching!) this... well, this is pretty much the greatest thing i have ever seen. reasons why you need to spend the next seven minutes and twelve seconds completely/totes engrossed by this phenomenomenom:

1. do these names mean anything to you? (and if they don't, i pity your soul) The Nuge! Vince Neill! RONNIE JAMES DIO!!! DON DOKKEN! Spinal Tap! Journey! ROB HALFORD & judas motherfucking priest! Twisted Sister! YNGWIE MALMSTEEN!!!!! iron maiden! Quiet Riot! Blue Oyster Cult! queensryche! uh, yeah, i know. your mind is exploding? mine too. it's okay. we'll get through this together. but just wait til you find out why they're all here, right now on this here youtube video....

which leads us to...
2. the fact that they formed this supergroup to raise awareness for starvation/famine in ethiopia. (remember bono and sexy sting singing so this is christmas? and bruce springsteen and tito jackson singing we are the world? well it's sort-of like that) it's true! this jerkoff-fest is actually for a good cause! i love imagining the thought-nuggets forming and how they morphed into this monstrosity. they're all fighting... not just to out-wail, or out-noodle next finely coiffed butt rocker, but fighting to "end hunger, man".

3. the hair. it's truly glorious. wowee zowee if this isn't a perfect example of how to look a) cool b) bitchin c)radical, then my name isn't alison "pistols and peonies" wadsworth.

4. the song. wha-wha-wha-whaaaa???? what the hell does it all mean? are you there god? it's me ali.

see for your self. it may just change your life. or haunt your dreams. save diff.

you know in the simpsons when marge is bitching at homer and you zoom in on his head and all that's going on is a monkey playing the cymbols? yeah, i'm homer. but instead of percussion monkey, i only see "we are stars" on repeat over and over and over and over again. serenity now!

great. wonderful.grand.

we sure showed that bitch.

2008-09-27T17:25:00.000-07:00

so yesterday as i was juggling my bike and these delicious tasty treats for rachel davey's birthday partay, i got a frantic phone call from lily cope, "OMG. sarah palin's in town! let's go throw shit at her!" so i dropped everything--literally. the beautifully delicious cupcakes that i can't eat, became a congealed mass of pastel colored frosting--grabbed janet, and sped away to the irish pub (which is now numero uno on ali's boycott 2008 list). there, we found a screaming angry mob of philadelphia's finest: the democratoc par-tay-heyyyy!!!!

bitch was in our city for a fundraiser with all 4 of the philadelphian bow-tie/pearls wearing republicans. this is what the scene was like on the inside. she would like to thank you.

outside, it was mayhem. it was pandemonium. and it was angry. what the hell are you doing invading my city? screw you chumpstain! get out! most people shouted "OBAMA! OBAMA!" and "SARAH GO HOME! SARAH GO HOME!!" i shouted "DOUCHEBAG!" over a hundred times and "BOOOOED" like a goddamn champ. imagine me as THIS:

so here's what it was like OUTSIDE the irish shithole.

bow down to her if you want! bow to her! bow to queen of slime! the queen of filth! the queen of putrescence! booo! boooooooo! rubbish! filth! slime! muck! booooooooooooooooooooo!!!

ya know what could really help you sort through these important issues?

2008-09-27T17:16:00.000-07:00

ORANGE MOCHA FRAPACCINOS!

ha ha.

2008-09-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

this guy farted.

some glutarded evening... you may meet a stranger...

2008-09-25T15:53:00.001-07:00

like marc summers from double dare!

it's true! it's true! he walked past us at the 5th Annual Appetite for Awareness hosted by the National Foundation for Celiac Awareness (NFCA) at the wachovia center last night. unfortunately i have no proof, as in cell phone camera validation, but you can take my word. and if that's not enough, you can take lily cope's word--which is stronger than oak.

buuuuuuut, we did meet miss philadelphia, the lovely brintha vasagar (bottom photo). she was accompanied by her dad who was oh so cute. i'm honored to have her representing our fine city. we also met who we thought was miss pennsylvania (top photo), but upon closer inspection we realized was "miss teen" pennsylavina in mega-fine print. we were drawn to her because of all of her jonbenet ramsey-like entourage following her around the fest. behold the girl in blue. her teeth sparkled with vaseline.

oh, how very un-ali-like. i forgot to mention my neck brace. well, there it is. i look cool, i know. but it's not just a fashion statement. it's actually holding my head up. i'm like an infant now. but after amazing massage from my friend deliah (jealous much, JESS??!) i'm currently feeling muuuch better. thank you for your concern.

in closing, we met ANOTHER celebrity. andre iguodala from the sixers. embarrasingly enough, we took the picture knowing he was a basketball player (only because of his height, and others gathering around for photos) but not who the fuck he was. we were hoping sam slaughter of the famed dalembert report to clear that up for us.

i am a goddamned midget next to both giants. geeeesh.

and i thought i was unhealthy.

2008-09-23T13:24:00.000-07:00

um, ew. the landlord busted into this place in houston, texas after not receiveing payment for a month. and they found this. gag. see all the pictures here. supposedly there are 2 cats living there but they couldn't find them--they called the spca. and they can't get in touch with this nasty bitch because so many people left cuz of the hurricane. i'm just dying to see what this woman looks like.

peter wayne burton, animation panelist.

2008-09-23T13:01:00.000-07:00

my EX-keyboard playah (for unlikley cowboy) got whisked up in the whirlwind of animation. like 3 months ago. now he's the director of animation at FOX AND! a speaker on the panel at the ottowa 08 international animation festival. with the future of animation in his sexy hands, i feel real good about what is to come. way to go meter!

so i get this email from my friend liz...

2008-09-23T12:47:00.000-07:00

and it only says, "i think u may want to buy this". so i clicked on this here link and it brought me to HORSETOPIA (will become my web addiction, guaranteed) where this lil' mini pony is up for sale.

it's only $225. someone MUST have a yard/stable where i can keep this lil' guy. OMFG. seriously. mom?? claire???? SANTA? anyone.......

best neck injury EVER.

2008-09-23T11:03:00.000-07:00

do i throw the term "best day of my life" around a bit too much? WELL, this time i mean it more than i'm sure all the other best days of my life. oh and FYI i also have like a bazillion bffs. depending on whom i'm speaking with, everyone/everything is the best. ever.

anyhoo.... saturday i worked my lil' buns off. then furiously biked to the give festival in liberty lands park to catch the last few bands of the day. my friends worked like so totally hard to put on this totes rad fest, and this year was def the best yet.

behold pictures of heidi (it's her bday tomorrow!!! come get crunk with us!) with SADIE!! with her protective headgear and of course, demon freak lily cope. please pay special attention to bulging snake eyes, the multiple layers of teeth, and pointy elvin nose. i promised lily i'd put her pic up on my blog, i'm sure she wasn't expecting the photo of the devil incarnate...

fun night. whew...

ok. now to sixmotherfuckingflags. why are roller coasters so awesome? why do they make me so incredibly happy?? so, we went sunday in honor of sarah's birthday. (hint, hint: birthday idea for your truly--or some other equivalent great adventure. october 6th bitches.) here's sarah and i on the first ride of the day: great american scream machine. we got to know the two kids in front of us pretty well when the ride broke down at the end. bum-mer. and besides looking so incredibly cool, kid on right had both birds waving proudly, so (as per six flags policy) the awkward 14-year-old at the photo booth had to cover up his fingers. loooooser. also notice the dual gum-chewing action.

now to the most important coaster at hand. kingda fucking ka. i can't say much about it except for the fact that it's the world's tallest and the world's fastest rollercoaster. EVER. insaaaaaaaaaane. here's a video of the front of the ride. someone snuck a camera in, and there's no way in H-E-double hockey stick that this video does the coaster justice at all, but you get the idea.

here we are right after the descent. balls. (L-R: miss sarah davey, me me me me!, claire bear, rachel davey, lewis, and jamie)

my mind was blown. BLOWN I TELL YOU!!!!

and let me tell you. bartending the day after a minor rollercoaster induced neck injury is no picnic. but so fucking worth it.

good old war on mtv!!

2008-09-22T14:03:00.000-07:00

vote for good old war on mtvu now now NOW!!!!!! and you can vote again and again and again.

let's get some good music back on mtv!!!!

little lord fauntelroy found a mate!

2008-09-19T18:50:00.000-07:00

my mind is exploooding. whoa. sploooge! okay... i don't know if any of you are familiar with my favorite obsession/idol peter pan. you can find him here at pixyland. here he is in all his glory modeling one of many many pan outfits:

okay, before the big reveal (i found out about his girlf/fiance via a new page he designed specifically for her. and it's just precious), i would like to fill you in on why i am so totes head-over-motherfucking-heels for this boi. first of all, he uses words like boi. and kewl. and wabbit. and total cuteness overload. and he honest-to christ thinks he's five a five year old boi! ah, it's just so admiring and inspiring and scary and annoying and KEWL.

make sure to check out the best page of them all, which is the outfit database/fashion pages, which is the motherfuckingmotherload of the best pictures/outfits you will ever see in your entire life. for cereal. be sure to check out my favs: little lord fauntelroy and the back to school montage. it's refreshing and utterly deeeelightful.

okay. her she is with my boi (jezuz mfc. i can't stop writing boi! god it's irritating. yet so fun!) they made these outfits together. so totes cute. her name is dorothy and she looks like a sweet little treat. like baby's breath. like babies. and breath. hot garbage breath. sike, naw. seriously though, i need to meet these people and get inside their heads! who's down for a pilgrimage to tampa??

hot damn!

i love my famous friends.

2008-09-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

like, whoa dude. totes awes. stayed up waaaaay late to see my buddies/bandmates good old war and anthony green on the carson daly show. they looked so amazing and like majorly cool dude. will re-blog with actual video tomorrow, just wanted to give you highlights/amaz cellphone photos from where i viewed the magnificance: the sidecar bar before i pass the eff out. ah... notice tim (drummer)'s shirt with c'est claire logo--my sister's solo project/t-shirt i designed, keith, anthony and dan looking insaaanely cool as the serious rockstars they are. i'm bursting at the seams here. exploooooding with pride and amazement. i love them. almost too much to form into words. just figure it out yourselves. night, night. t'will be looking for shelter in my dreams...

hakuna matata! a day in the life of you-know-whooo.

2008-09-17T20:32:00.001-07:00

last night i dreamed of pho. it was a wonderful dream. pho is everything i could ever want in a meal. it's pretty much my favorite food. no big deal. so i called my girls and went to get pho.

it's saaadie! my lovely lovely god-daughter. yes, i am a god mother. i am also a registered minister with the universal life church. i can perform weddings, funerals, baptisms, bar/bat mitzvahs, but sorry, no circumcisms. i am NOT a registered moyl.

liz getting passionate about all the injustices in the world.

family....... sigh.

after we made mexican fusion-themed din-din, we went to northbowl specifically to play buck hunter. heidi was really adament about giving me pointers cause she's reeeaaaaally good.

guess who won. ahem. i shot more ducks in the end=i got more points in the end=i am the victor. i'm not normally one to rub it in though... look at me! i'm a regular old sarah palin!! except we weren't shooting moose to make moose-getti. and i'm not a scary asshole .

now i'm at heidi's and blogging on frosty's com-pooter...

watching the golden girls. it's like a really good one too. dorothy and sophia were competing in a mother/daughter competition. here they are as sunny bono & cher. anyone? anyone?? halloween costume idea with yours truly??? we won't just be sonny & cher... we'll be dorothy and sophia AS sonny & cher. you're welcome.

and who woulda guessed it! they won!! omfg! forreeeeaaaaalz. we also decided that heidi is so totes betty white and i'm forrealz dorothy. and how good is the theme song!

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

getting sleepy next to my god-dog. (whoa. that was so cool. palandrome, dude.) miss freida is still kickin it in styyyyyle yo. and she looks so regal and rawesome with the camera-phone flash glistening in her cone-eye. i ruv you rfeeedee!!!

ali out!

whatever happened to binaca?

2008-09-17T20:32:00.000-07:00

does anyone still use this?

butt bandit vandals town with greasy groin imprint.

2008-09-17T14:24:00.001-07:00

read me. seriously. besides being the best tongue-twister EVER, it's also a truemotherfucking story. description of the villain/culprit is perfect. and sexy.

jon mosca is a genius.

2008-09-17T14:24:00.000-07:00

one day, i was talking with jon mosca about someone's bachelor party. (can't remember who, but it is totes irrelevant to the story/revelation anyway, so whatev) fun little nuggets were exchanged--stippers, booze, etc... all of a sudden, jon goes, "wait! i'm a bachelor! why can't i have a bachelor party??!" which got me thinking: I'M A BACHERLORETTE!

so i decided to make my own registry. feel free to buy me things. and throw me a totally radical bachelorette party. i will be adding to my registry whenever i see something totally rad, so, check it frequently.

the los angicles chronicles, part quatre: to our guides/personal drivers...

2008-09-08T10:34:00.000-07:00

thanks for driving our asses all around your fine city. and thanks for letting hurricane wadsworth invade your space/homes and into your world for a couple of weeks. we love you oh! so very much.

the los angicles chronicles, part trois: how have i lived so long with out you?

2008-09-08T09:09:00.000-07:00

oh, beach. the sweet sweet beach. i think i miss you the most.

i love how your wind whispered inspirations to me during my long roller skating adventures along manhattan beach. i love your beautiful surfer boys. i love your sandcastles and celebrities making sandcastles (holler sexy scott bakula from quantum leap with pecs glistening in the sun!). i love your burnt-out old-ass hippies still on an LSD trip from 1964 bugging the fuck out in venice whilst bloody baby-punching barfights ensue. i love how your sand follows me everywhere, even back to philadelphia. i love your savage tan that you gave me. i love your reggae festivals on the santa monica pier and dancing in your sand drunk as a skunk. i love skinny dipping with you at midnight. i love how you made me so very happy.

here we are in venice. we came for the doors cover band, stayed for the crazies. and barfights. and shiteous food. and pitchers of delicious beer (of which i had no glutarded part in, but it looked refreshing and yummy). the fearless skinny crazy bitch behind jess is none other than carrie, my new bff. she told jake his body was a wonderland.

we spent a few days on manhattan beach and it just so happens to have become my favorite beach. there's some serious magic in the air there, and it's not just the nuclear power plant down the beach or the copius amounts of ganj or the lovely surfers. it's just far enough from LA that it feels like a whole other world. everyone we met there was happy as a goddamn clam. they surf every single fucking day and they make sure they have jobs that will allow them to do so. they've got it all figured out. it's just like sesame street. it's perfect. can you tell me how to get... back to manhattan beach?

one of the greatest things about being on vacay is drinking during the day. especially when that entails two-for-one margharita happy hour at a tropical gay bar in west hollywood.

toots and the maytals played on the santa monica pier. we picnicked on the beach. we made pina coladas. we danced danced danced with some israelis. we peed under the pier. we wished we never had to leave....

i'm a proud proud mama.

2008-09-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

oh britney. how do i love thee? let me count the ways! one vma, two vma, three vma! bitch looked goooooooood two. her extensions were glorious and her bod was rockin. way to represent girl.

leave sarah palin alone! ahem...

2008-09-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

"we shouldn't even be talking about sarah palin, because it's sexist."

it's a family affair...

2008-09-07T14:49:00.001-07:00

the three erics: little, middle, and big.

hickey rolled into town to celebrate his birthday! and for giant bachelor party festivites. t'was like old times again. sigh...

isn't she lovely?

2008-09-07T14:33:00.000-07:00

liz got bangs.

namaste!

2008-09-05T16:22:00.000-07:00

i was recruited.

visit dharmawantsyou.com if you have any interest in traveling to deserted islands for "research" or solving some really sweet brain teasers. i'm obsessed much.

my fav abbreves. an abbreve-tionary, if you will.

2008-09-04T15:24:00.000-07:00

please feel free to totes add to the gloss at your leis.

neib (neighborhood, neighbor)
gloss (glossary)
deets
dbag
dehydes (dehydrated)
freals
obvi
tabe (table)
naysh (nation)
examp
disast
randos (randoms)
yest
noth
ano (anorexic)
unfortch
the kitch (kitchen)
attench
potench
boyf/girlf
bullsh
hilar
rudeitude!
jorts (jean shorts)
croosh (crucial)
deece (decent)
deodes
g-rents (grandparents)
hot commods
ferosh

the greatest invention of the year.

2008-09-04T14:44:00.000-07:00

it gives me great pleasure to introduce you to the tooth tunes toothbrush.

brilliant. see, here's how it works. inside the contraption, a song is played in it's entirety, only when the brush is in use. and the song can only be heard by you, through your teeth. craaaazy. it started out as a gimmick to make children brush longer, by brushing the entire length of the song. my tooth tunes is the the beach boy's fun, fun, fun which truly is fun! fun! fun! no longer is brushing your teeth a boring little chore, now it's a dance party! and believe you me, i dance my butt off.

(i'm well aware that in this photo i look like i'm in pain. quite the contrary actually. i'm rocking out sooo hard, it just looks like i'm in pain.)

gluten-free pizza coma.

2008-09-03T15:53:00.000-07:00

so totally glutarded. and amazing. mexican pizza, margharita, and meaty lovers. all made by yours truly. now i feel like total bung. watching 90210 2.0 might be in order. oh dylan mckay, what a dreamboat. how i miss thee....

albums i must buy. once i earn some money of course.

2008-09-03T14:23:00.000-07:00

1. trout mask replica by the one and only captain beefheart.
2. more harry nillson.
3. mudcrutch--tom petty's original band from gainsville, florida. oooh-eeee!!!
4. charles manson. why? well, just because.
5. the new b-52's album. i have no stinking idea what it will sound like. but i can't wait.
6. the new al fucking green album. my friend ryan moys engineered some of this masterpiece so i got a little sneeky peek. he's still got it. and more.
7. BON IVER--he's so very lovely.
8. william shatner live album that has this one song i can't get behind that which is this totally insaaane spaztic ADD monstrosity with henry rollins. you must experience this one for yourself. truly a work of art.
9. more zappa.

the los angicles chronicles, part deux: twas a good old good old whore.

2008-09-03T12:55:00.000-07:00

one of the many reasons we voyaged across the cuntry was for my good old buddies, good old war. they are on a super-dee-duper tour of these united states of america with the always amazing anthony green. we were razzled and dazzled by their stellar performances at the troubadour in west hollywood and at this weird strip mall venue in anaheim. needless to say, both shows were sold the fuck out and packed with sweaty angsty teens willing to die for these boys. those were the days...

here's my favorite picture of dan and his adorable adoring fan. she couldn't take her sweet little doe eyes off him. her friend on the other hand couldn't take her eyes off me, my presence and my beauty must have captivated her. that or she was a.) jealous that i was backstage or b.) thought i was being a dick cause i was repeatedly taking pictures of her friend ogling dan and laughing. sorry bitch.

and here's a photo of anthony green sounding like a sweet sweet butternut and danny rocking the shit out of the crowd. twas pandemonium. also take notice of creepy puppets in front row. those crazy muppets knew the words to all the songs. emo kids can be so strange. this is also coming from the most normal person in the world.

here's one of timmy looking incredibly cool next to dan's arsenal of guns/guitars. he's also sitting still, which is odd to see.

we also spent time with these crazy knuckleheads kickin it at the sargent house, where manager extraordinaire cathy pellow resides avec her label crew and whatever meat head musicians and their entourages happen to be in town. basically--heaven.

whilst lounging in the lap of luxury, we played cards.

we get mad inspired and wrote songs.

we loved each other.

and we sang some songs! chiggity-check this totes awes video we shot on the roof of the sargent house overlooking the sweet sweet sun setting on the hollywood hills. sigh. this song stay by my side is so very lovely and is on good old war's redic album only way to be alone. i suggest you buy it. i seriously listen to it everyday as it is the perfect soundtrack for my life right now. that and wilco's sky blue sky. bonus video info: watch how keith seriously almost falls off the roof and i basically safe his life. i'm a goddamn hero.

there is also this video of us fucking around in the kitchen while recording actual beautiful profesh music video for good old war's song weak man. stay tuned for that jem. we busted into unlikely cowboy campfire lovliness restless love which we also recorded music video for earlier in the summer. cunt wait to see that bitch either.

stay tuned for your next installment of the los angicle chronicles! next post we will tackle the beach! and those lovely lovely surfer boys...

los angicles chronicles, part un: five airports, two weeks.

2008-09-01T13:53:00.000-07:00

i'm gonna have to re-re-wind a liiil' bit. new blog, and recapping the fantastical voyage is of the utmost importance.

so claire and i visited not only beee-you-ti-ful cali, but five different airports on our gourney. here's the rundown: newark international airport (EWK), john wayne (so totes amzing.) airport, in the OC!! (SNA), los angeles international airport (LAX), cleveland hopkins international airport (CLE), and philadelphia international airport (PHL). i would have to say the orange county airport was my fav because this is what we saw out the window right before we landed...

packing and leaving was an adventure, after both of us working at our respective bars until 3:30 am, we head home to gather our things and clean up our mansion/castle. but because of the disgusting heat and all the air-conditioners running across the land, philadelphia experienced a brown-out. hence, we packed by candlelight.

claire looks like goddamn tinkerbell. let it be known that my sister is not, in fact a fairy (or a faerie as some of you annoying people might call these mystical creatures) but the lighting playing a silly little trick on your eyes!

so once we made it to the airport, we had a lot of waiting around to do. and many to be had at the airport bar. one of the reasons why we weren't as broke as we could have been on our trip is thanks to our wonderful aunt sheila who is a fierce flight attendant on continental airlines so we got to fly with buddy passes. unfortunately, this means we are at the mercy of people missing their flights. so after missing 4 flights in a row to LAX, we found a flight to orange county with a slight chance we would get on. and praise be the airplane gods! we got seats! (even though they were the non-reclining shit seats, we couldn't care less. we were going to cali!)

please stay tuned for the next installment of the los angicles chronicles for more fun! wadsworth trip factoids!

goodbye tumblr, holler at yer blog with comments!

2008-08-28T02:21:00.000-07:00

i'm in the midst of the best vacay EVER. and i'm tossing my old blog to the curb y'all in order to to update the world of "all things ali" in style! a wadsworth explosion is about to come yer way.