dear friends,

please. get me in this band.





meet PREVIOUSLY ON LOST. they are legend. and also members of the sick band FOXY SHAZAM. damn. if you love LOST as much as i do, you will freak your shit. go to their myspace, there are a bazillion more videos and songs like, the ballad of sayid and be my constant.
so then i clicked on their website and THIS popped up. brilliant side dude. seriously check it oooouuuuuut.


side notes:
a) how incredible is this last season of lost. right??


b) whilst googling "previously on lost" i found this triiiiippy video.
WHAT?

my cousin, my hero.

dude. i have real-life HERO in my fam. check this video and my amazing cousin, officer SEAN HAMILL as he saves a baby! for real!!

musical! theatre!! (instert jazz hands here)

i don't know if y'all know this about your dear blogger extraordinaire, but she used to be waaay into musical theatre in high school. like i all i wanted in the whole wide world was to be a broadway superstar. (f.y.i. i also felt just as strongly about being a professional sailor and an opera singer and a jazz singer and a truck driver. i got a short attention span. see all my other blog entries for proof.) somewhere along the way i lost the love. don't know why but i think it has something to do with the sweet discovery that i could have my very own rock and roll band. but just recently i found the love again. and it felt oh! so! super! btw i'm gonna see if i can get my momma to wrangle some old school photos of me in weird stage makeup and funny costumes to share...

so i work at the fire every monday evening for the most glorious open-mic in all of philadelphia. i'm sorry all ye who hosteth open-mics out there and think it's like the best, but what i say is true. mostly it's thanks to our fearless leader/host jonas t. oesterle. you ever heard of charisma? and hilarity? jonas=the embodiment of all that is awes. and all the ACTUAL amazing talent that endlessly shuffles through thine doors. plus it's like totally always fun as shiiiiiiiiit.

okay, getting to the original point of this post (what? a little endless rambling never hurt anybody. and that's why you all love me so much) my buddy ryan williams, an all-star regular, asked me like a week ago to sing with him for our most recent open-mic theme night, "song of the silver screen and stage," which was btw, uh. may. zing. meet ryan:



ryan chose the cute to the max, suddenly seymore from little shop of horrors and guess who forgot to listen to the song (not having heard it in like 8 years)? you guessed it!!!! me me me me meeeeeee.... so i'm bartending away, flirting with some hot dude at the end of the bar when ryan asked if i was ready to sing in 15 mins. and i was all "oh fuck! i forgot!" so i grabbed steve quaranta's ipod and listened to it once, then played it through with ryan once, then ran on stage.

here it 'tis. me, back to my musical theatre roots. holler.




with sweet under stah-ah-ahhhh! nding,
ali.

LA LA LA-la la la-laaah laaaah. i love you!

yes. the love affair with LA continue-eth. how long have i dreamed of getting savagely tan on your beaches, gaping endlessly at your surfer dudes? vacationing in malibu at britney's beach compound? roller-skating down the venice boardwalk? rockcing your rockingest rock venues tainted with rock legends blood and lust? seems like forever.

but it looks like we're getting closer and closer to the day when goldiebox takes the plunge and westward-ly voyages across america. we are in talks, we are in agreement, and we are ecstatic at the possibility that this might very well happen. nothing is set in stone yet. more like a spit-shake or "my word is stronger than oak" jerry maguire-like verbal contract, if you will. we know this is the next step. and we know we want to be there. and we know with a giant move potentially looming before us, it might just be the push we need to juice up the band on steroid-like skills. [minus the roid-rages and... ahem... :) shrinking extremities] we aim for greatness. and i think, maybe--just maybe--we're on the path of utter band excellence.

but it takes time and it takes patience. so i shall wait and i shall charge forth. and i shall try my darndest to save money and stop buying useless crap. breathe, ali. you can do it.

so as i gather all my video/photos/rope in my brain to update ali's blog-land on our most recent california gourney, keep in mind your blogger's severe ADD and know she's trying really hard to accomplish said task amongst many many other pressing issues. it's worth the wait, whatever that may be. trip was fun AS SHIT.

i! am! a! DRUM GOD!!

my hidden talent. thought i'd share.



yeah, i know. i'm incredible. hard to believe i've been keeping this geniosity from all of you.

trolls, comics, and middle school poems

so claire and i went home to jerz for a super special funday with mom and her friend dawn in new york... a trip to see THE DAILY SHOW! boy-oh-boyeeee was it funfunfun!


we waited on line for a couple hours to get in, mom claire and dawn chit-chatted away, while yours truly straight-nerded out by absorbing face/mind in one of many new comic book obsessions PREACHER brought to you from the fabulous writer/creator garth ennis and sick ass artist steve dillon. seriously the best comic i've read so far. straight up crazy. here is my fav character ARSEFACE who attempted suicide because of crazy obsession with kurt cobain:


this new dork-o-riffic obsession formed a couple months ago when the one the only timothy john arnold bequeathed to me THE WALKING DEAD. zombies rule! changed my life and murtalyzed my wallet. seriously comics are MAAAAAAD expensive. and not like i've got all this extra cash rollin around to support the habit. but... i......can't....... stop!! but luckily timmy leant me his entire collection whilst on tour to keep me busy. okok, back to jonny stewart.

so show ruled. mom claire and i were out-of-control ridiculous. during the enthusiastic little pep-talk intro before the show, we were told to laugh extra hard and ludicrously for proper studio audience laughing. so even though the chuckles were genuine (man is funny as shit!) we definitely took it to a whooole other level. claire and i kept trying to laugh loud as all hell and when no one else was laughing so we could pick out our laughs when we went home and watched later. but alas, we heard nothing. wah wahhhh.

tom hanks was the guest du jour. when we left the studio we saw mad creepy people running full speed with that thing you do and castaway posters and shit. so mom was all, "oooh! let's go see tommy!" so we waited around the back with mom excitedly waving her cell phone at every single person exiting the building. claire was so embarrassed ha! she was all, "come on mom... i'm hungry..." so we saw tom, very anti-climactic. kindof weird actually. must be so bazaar being that famous! (not that i'll let that stop me! bring it on!!) here's back of tom's head and all the swarmers:



so we ate mexican food claire drank giant bucket of margaritas saw kimi and biclops had organic beverages went home watched daily show had a beer read comics went to bed.

next morning woke up and whilst adjusting laundry in basement i rolled over to the storage corner and found some real jems. JEMS I TELL YOU! firstly i found a bag filled with old middle school journals. so goddamn funny. but mostly just depressing. i read through all of them on the ride back to philly and what the fuck?! high school was so whack. the shit that was important to me then was so laaaaaame. literally every entry was all, "why doesn't XXXXXX like me??? i hate XXXXX!! he's like so stupid!" over and over and over again. and tons of, "mom's so mean! i'm grounded AGAIN! wahwahwahhh!"oh it was horrifying.

i did find a journal that i kept during our first trip to russia with dad. it was so awesome. here's a little excerpt from DAY 1: AUGUST 5th, 1996:

I'm on the plane now. It's been 2 1/2 hours last time i asked dad, which was maybe 15 min. ago. I'm not sure what the movie is supposed to be, but the little Delta Magazine said it starts 4 hrs. into the flight. Geez this is a long plane ride! I think it's the longest one I've ever been on. Yup--London was 6 or something. This one's going to be 8-9 hrs. It won't seem very long if I sleep. I'm not tired, though. Dad's asleep, I had to wake him up to get this pen. Hmmm...Let's see. I've gone to the bathroom 4 times 2-day. Once at the house in NH, once at the car-park place & 2 times on this plane. Now there's some dumb movie (Discovery Channel) about the Olympic Athletes of the world. It was cool for about 6 minutes. Then it grew boring. I read cosmo for the 1st 2 hours of the plane. I was so into it. Next, I'm going to read my Archie & Jughead comic book which I bought. It looks super cool. I'm sitting next to this really weird Russian man who's giving me the creeps! He doesn't say a thing. La La La, I am bored. Claire tried to talk to me across the aisle, but some ugly-ass dude got in the way. So, the both of us are trying to dodge around his butt to make eye-contact. As soon as he got the hint (5 million years later) I found out she only wanted to tell me she was bored. So I gave her my Cosmo, & she shut up. Well, I gotta go. If anything exciting happens later, I'll write it. Bye!

ha! fifteen-year old ali. oh boy oh boy. i bet we were so annoying. in later entries i was writing how disgusting the food was and how awesome "micky-deees" was. i think we literally ate mc donald's every day because we were major brat-a-licios american creeps. hee heee.

we also found THESE in mom's basement:



yeah. claire and i used to collect trolls. i don't know what to say. trolls are whack-a-doodle-doo. but! i am already thinking of all the silly fucked up shit i can do with them all. haHA! just you wait.

time for work. ali out!

fantasy square garden sooooo live!

we play. tonight.



at the khyber. you like SERIOUSLY don't want to miss this. we go on at 11:30.

do you like r. kelly and red-heads?

i do! especially this red head.

check this fucking video out.

busy busy busy!

so as i sit here frantically trying to sort through all the things on my shadoo list (like a to-do list, things i reeeaaally shadoo) i decided to check off number 823 on said list and create a goldiebox blog. peep it/follow it for all things goldiebox. and yes, i promise more 'me me me' blogs to come. i swurrr.

our food system is fucked.

check it:



for real dude.

We have bigger-breasted chickens, the perfect pork chop, insecticide-resistant soybean seeds, even tomatoes that won't go bad, but we also have new strains of e coli--the harmful bacteria that causes illness for an estimated 73,000 Americans annually. We are riddled with widespread obesity, particularly among children, and an epidemic level of diabetes among adults.

my good buddy liz solms at the awesome! sweet pea nourishment has all these FREEEEE TICKETS to go see this explosive documentary, food inc. holler at sweetpeanourishment@gmail.com if you want to join us at the premiere this sunday march 29th 5pm at the prince theater on broad and chestnut. free. see you there.

confessions of a merch girl: ah!! texas! part one.

we made it!!















texas smelled so good. we drove with the windows down and timmy played me some lyle lovett--my need for country music was scratching and clawing my insides like a rabid horny hampster--and yes, it's hard to believe timmy loves lyle lovett, but it's the gosh darn troof. first he played me this song swearing up and down that it would be my new theme song, my alma mater, my graceland. after listening to this, you'll understand why:



if i had a boat, i'd go out on the ocean.
and if i had a pony, i'd ride him on my boat.
and we could all together, go out on the ocean,
me upon my pony on my boat.

um, riding a pony on a boat? yeah. how could that song NOT be written for/about me? and is it just me or is lyle lovett mad sexy?

then this song came on as a nice little hug, saying "hey good old war! you're not from texas, but texas loves you anyway!!"



as soon as we crossed over everything changed. the air changed. we got real quiet. it might have been lyle lovett, it might have been the majestical sunset over the texas plains. it might have been my texas childhood flooding my brain with a thousand little memories. the scenery changed so fast from the green wet swamps of louisiana to just so much space. it's humbling and awe-inspiring coming from the crowded northeast to see all this land. this country is just so darn big!


how often at night where the heavens are bright
with the light of the glittering stars
have I stood there amazed and asked as I gazed
if their glory exceeds that of ours

so we drove to a little hotel outside of austin so keith and dan could get some beauty rest. throughout the trip down a little sickness started to ravage their precious vocal chords so a good night's sleep was muy importante before what we knew stood in front of us: the funnest most exhausting weekend, ever. so we drank in the sleep knowing it would be the last of it for a while.

where the skies are not cloudy all day,
ali.

confessions of a merch girl: descending into the south.

hi. ali here. i am writing this curled up in the van with the painful beginnings of a massive sunburn--the day was enjoyed immensely, despite said burnnigs. we're late afternoon cruising in western louisiana (an afternoon delight, if you will) and it looks like we shall literally ride into the sunset as soon as we scoot on over to the lone star state. ahhhh.. but more about that later. time to get y'all up to speed!

much fun was had at the next stop after virginia: soapbox laundromat and exxxtreme music venue in wilmington, north carolina. first suprise/ freaky amazing coincidence on the agenda: our buddy andrew lipke would be playing the same night downstairs! andrew is also on his way down to sxsw and oh my! t'was lovely to see him and his bangin band, the prospects. upstairs good old war and hoots and hellmouth played, killed it, some whiskey was had, and then as dan and tim loaded up the gear into our mobile mansion i was able to sing a few songs with andrew, some more whiskey was had, then on to project keep danny boy entertained whilst driving us overnight to simpsonville, south carolina--home of the one. the only. arnold fam! since we had a few days before sxsw we decided to take some time and visit lots of people we love!

and oh what a treat beyond all treats! tim's parents are only like the most awesomest people ever. here's johnny a (tim's dad) enjoying a private performance from the boys:



we had a glorious time maxing and relaxing and eating chicken pot pie and strawberry shortcake and practicing for a super-top-secret sxsw performance! here's a little hint: i catch tim practicing the special song in his mom's quiling room...

what a super guy!

after some beauty rest for the boys, and buttloads of snacks from super mom betty a, we hit the road for the great state of my birth--loUiSiAna!!! my mama's bestie miss nora lives in baton rouge and knew it would be the most perfectest place to stop off before austin! so off we went! (after a brief stop/rendezvouz with our dear friends melissa and jamie, the terlecki twins--and a major feast at EATS! ughhhhh... soooo insaaanely gooooood. dude i'm STILL full) into the deep fried south.

nora's was a deeee-light. she waited up for us until we rolled in at 2 am with a giantesque snack platter of soup and brownies and ice cream. (all i'm sayin is... this tour we got treated weh-eh-ell!) we spent the next day lounging in the backyard--some outdoor sports were played, pedicures were given, some more top secret sxsw practices were held (hahahaha) and an impromptu good old war performance was held for miss nora to thank her for her kind southern hospitality.



notice the blazing sun beating on bare, pale, philadelphian skin and please consider the pain we are all about to endure. owchi-wa-wa!

we gave our hugs and hit the road once more for the final glorious stretch to texas. updates to follow on the wild and crazy texas antics of these fair gentle men.

in sunsets and spurs,

ali ali ali!

confessions of a merch girl: a frat house and the boot.

so yeah. i'm on tour with my good ol' pals good old war en route to the gloriousness that is about to be SOUTH BY MOTHERFUCKING SOUTHWEST. aaaaand boy oh boy, i am already having the best time ever!

so we started the old tour out in DC at the rock and roll hotel and the show was totally sweet. free falafel and keith's strapping young fratboy cousin. charming fellow. he rolled through with his entire fraternity and danced and drank and bought buttloads of merchandise. after the show we all packed in the van for a late-nite tour of our glorious capitol (mainly just the local starbucks) and a sleepover at sig ep. which was, btw the most fancy schmancy frat house i have ever been in. they had maids! we knew it was going to be a wacky night when we walked into the main area and they were having jew-cino night, which i didn't really know what that would entail but i guess it was just hosted by the only jewish brother. what? keith won his first hand at blackjack then retired with his winnings (fitty-cent) like a... good little saver. we then traveled to a real-life college dorm room and almost got busted for underage drinking... but that's another story. a funny funnyyyyyy story. needless to say, it was a sick start to the tour. here's keith's cuz the morning after fun frat-tiiime on his way to take a test. ha! (notice excellent bed head)


after NOT getting to see the white house (i'm still upset about it. what. EVER!) we hit the road for norfolk, virginia. i spent most of the drive snuggled up in my snuggie--a MUST for tour. luckily snuggies are sold on infomercials in pairs so there is less bickering among the non-snuggled.

we arrived in norfolk, virginia mad early so we checked into our cheapo hotel, which turned out to be incredible! immediately upon dropping off our bags tim and i ran in the rain to the pool house for major pool/hot tub sesh and sauna time. the sauna sucked ass and just would not get hot enough. tim refused to believe that it wasn't hot enough so sat in the sauna forEVER and yelled at his pours to sweat. a few minor droplets dribbled out and the man was satisfied.

then we were off to the venue where we got fed a giant and amazing meal. they even made me my own glutarded dinner that was deeeelicious! the staff was so friggin nice. oh! and all of the men working at the boot were mustachioed and in vests and so very very cute. an excellent plus in my book. the boys also had a chance to sit in the van and warm up their angelic little voices. check it out.

so we've been sharing the shows down to sxsw with the lovely and talented band hoots and hellmouth. an amazing gaggle of bee-you-ti-fil musicians. ali harbors a major band crush on hellmouth. shhh...

after the show we sailed back to the hotel, slept like big fat logs, and embarked on the massive drive down to wilmington, north carolina. check back for north and south carolina deets.

to be continued...

oh, crap. hello 2009?

so... yeah. it's been a while. what can i say? my priority ceased to be you (not you jess huester, but you! my fair readers whom i surely have lost and will have to blog extra awesomely and impress!). my major! apologies.

i'll make it up to you.



coming soon: lots of brown-noseblogging and virtual ass kissing.

what haunts my dreams.

how is it possible for a city to have the greatest mascot of all time (meet the phillies phanatic!):



and the HANDS-DOWN WORST MOST ANNOYING SCARIEST MASCOT EVERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! meet the 76ers HIP HOP. ugh.

went to a sixers game tonight with stephrock. killer seats. fun fun times. scary scary muscular silver mutant bunny man. yeeeesh.

my life=awes.

i don't know if you heard yet, but...

i got motherfucking CABLE!!!

ahhh... it's glorious. it's been years and years since i had this luxurious luxury. i've been against getting it for so very long that i totally and completely forgot how much it kicks! ass!

where else would i see a channel where they play britney spears all day! every day! aye-chee-wawa! (have you seen for the record yet?? omgeezy. brit's life is crazy yo.) amazin-in-a-blazin-haze winter themed screensavers like crack-a-lackin fireplaces with smooth jazz musak verions of shitty christmas tunes. i plan on using said fake fireplace videos to "set the mood" if you know what i mean... and incredbile amazing movies i totally forgot all about, like SKI PATROL!



but here-in lies a giantesque prob. i can't sleeeeep when there's so many sweeet things on tv! i suspect this feeling will go away eventually. i have an insane addictive personality so i will allow cable to take the place of smoking cigs for the time being. (and the stuffing my large mouth with massive quantities of food.) then i'm assuming the novelty will wear off. i get bored easily anyway.

but until that day, i will continue to love you and cherish you tv.

see y'all at the goldiebox show tonight!

blowing my load.

my friend jess informed me that i regularly BLOW MY LOAD on my blog. i'll go for a week without writing anything then in one day i explode all over this here page with a million bazillion posts. then a whole nother week with a whole lotta nothin. then blau! explosions. well here's me BLOWING MY LOAD once again. for you jess.

and speaking of blowing my load... how about some 'load-blowing' related topics? hahaha.

my love of semen goes waaaay back to the days (insert obvious disgusting joke here you filthy pigs!) in 2003-2004 when i worked as an artist's assistant for the amazingly famous and amazingly amazing kehinde wiley. check his website out. his paintings are redic. my BFF emily weiner, who also happens to be an insaaane painter, got me the job. and good god! was it ever the greatest. we would get to his studio at the crack of 3pm, drink coffee, smoke cigarettes (oh the days when i used to smoke... haha!), listen to NPR and paint paint paint until he would wisk us away to some fabulous club and drink drink drink! those were the days. now he's entirely too famous to chat regularly with me, but still just as fabulous.

so, on the sperm tip: my very first day i showed up with weiner totes nervous. i had been living at my mom's house in north north jerz and had spent the previous months fighting nonstop with her. praise be the mom gods that i no longer live with her so we totally get along swimmingly now! so kehinde was working on a series where the backgrounds were seas of golden sperm swimming around these glam baroque figures. we started painting away and mom calls for the millionth time. i pick up and i'm all like "excuse me mother i cannot talk right now i am working" and she all like "ahhhh! you're such an ungrateful spoiled child!!! ahhh!!!!" (which i probably was at this point) and i'm trying to keep my cool around kehinde who is painting right next to me and i'm like "i will speak with you later mother dearest" and she continues to scream scream away and i hang up on her. frustrated and freaked out, i picked up my jar of GOLD LAQUER saying, "oh mother. she's such a card..." or something like that and with a nervous arm spasm proceed to SPEW THE ENTIRE JAR OF GOLD LAQUER ALL OVER THE HALF FINISHED CANVAS. you should have seen weiner's and my face. mortified wouldn't even begin to explain. i had already accepted that i would definitely be fired, and that i might even owe this man 100,000 or something like that. it was my first day!

so then kehinde sees the spill. he yells, "stop right there! hmm... it looks like a cum shot. i love it." and there it was. i continued to work for him to my deeelight and my splooge ended up making it onto the cover of ART FORUM. hee hee. well here's the painting:



so here are some more sperm related items. this week on my favoritest NPR SHOW RADIOLAB (jad.... ahhhh.....) the subject was SPERM!!!! check it out! they address the idea that since we can freeze sperm indefinitely, why are the men still around??! hee hee. listen for the answer.

hmm... all this blogging is making me hungry. might have to whip myself up something deeeee-lish! from this here cookbook! ahahaha!!! it's totally real and totally a semen cookbook.

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book!

what a superdeeduper holday gift that will make! check out this recipe for the almost white russian (not pictured are the man-made oysters and creamy cum crepes. dead serious.):



now's the time when i wish i had a cigarette after that load. haha jk guys. jk.

want to see my...

so i have yet to discuss with you all the greatness that is GOLDIEBOX. so we started this band a month and a half ago. then we had our first show. boyohboyohboy! was it awes!!! so many of you came and screamed and yelled and squeezed and crammed into the tiny teenieweenie room that is the fire. we had so much fun!

even though it was a huuuge challenge for me to play bass and sing at the same time, mission was majorly accomplished and now i can say clearly proudly say, "I AM A BASS PLAYER!" boooyah.

for your enjoyment here are some crapulous fan videos from our first gig EVER. first is UNCLE VICTOR and second is HEADLINER (featuring the sexy that is jacob weiss a.k.a. MC STEAK!!!)





you like what you see bitches??! uhhhhhh. nah nah nah naaaahhhhhhh! come see us for OUR SECOND SHOW EVER!!! this sunday. at the m room. i promise not to wear pants again.

my lil' dancing outlaw

on to more movies/people i'm completely totally obsessed with. meet jesco white, "acclaimed mountain dancer and entertainer" from boone county, west virginia. i watched this here documentary while visiting los angeles a couple months back and fell in L-O-V-E!!!! just the elvis obsession is enough to bind us forever as soul-mates. then the airplane glue sniffing, violent outbursts, wife-beating, emotional issues, straight up ignorance... well... we're basically the same person.

so the amazingly awes metal band MASTADON (!!!) used a jesco quote as the intro to the song "Hail to Fire" off their debut EP Lifesblood. quoteth jesco, "i put the butcher knife up to her neck and said if you wanna live to see tomorrow, you better start fryin' 'em eggs a little better'n what'chu been fryin' 'em. i'm tired of eatin' sloppy, slimy eggs!" watch here...



a video of jesco danciiiing in sweet appalachia...


a super recent interview with jesco. jeeesh is it scary. but worth watching to hear his take on vietnamese women... like, soooooooo right on.


and here's the orig clip where jesco dances on roseanne. tom arnold paid to have jesco cover up his swastika tattoos on his hands. jesco occrued them in the slammer and had no idea what they meant. wah wah...

what a long strange trip it's been! hahahaha

day five. ayayayayae. quitting smoking is so sucky! i will remain strong. any tips would be appreciated yo. or pats on the back.