philadelphia freaks the fuck out.

hallelujah. praise be to the baseball gods. the phils are going to the world series. totes beyond sweet. claire and i wandered along broad street and ran into a lot of our drunk friends freaking the fuck out along with the rest of the entire city freaking the fuck out on broad street. here's when the shut broad street down.



and more mayhem. and cops.



and what would the phils going to world series be if we didn't see some fine drunk-ass philly white trash boobies??

jad + ali, sittin in a tree

meet jad. i love jad.

jad abumrad is the host of by far my totes fav NPR/WNYC shows radiolab. as you may well know i am in-your-face-annoying style about my love for NPR especially fresh air host extraordinaire terry gross, you bet your garden host mike mcgrath, and the car talk brothers tom and ray magliozzi, a.k.a. CLICK and CLACK. they are my special little buddies that entertain the shit out of me. i would get rid of all my friends just to hang with them for a day. jk dudes, jk.

but one person i would in fact trade all of you for is the always lovely jad. for cereal. oh did i mention i had a sex dream about him last night? ah... it was glorious. i don't recall much from the elusive dream, all i remember is his retardedly sexy smooth calming radio voice. and his rapist wit. and his intelligent little quips and engrossing stories. and his straight-up-now-tell-me sexiness. i tell you i can't stop thinking about him and his questions about the scientific and philisophical nature. what is time? what is morality? oh... where are you now jad? dang.

for all y'all that have yet to listen to radiolab, check that shit. you can listen to past amazing shows and learn lots of neat! fun! stuff! wow! yeah...! truly awes.

omg! omg!

did you EVER think you'd see the day when ali blogs about sports? (other than sports of the roller persuasion) well, the day has cometh. with avengeance!

i just can't help myself cause boyohboyohboyohboy! this is just waaay too exciting! the fucking phillies now lead the NLCS 3 to 1 after a super-uber nailbitingexciting win against the dodgers 7-5. the phils were glorious. even with the "pillowbiters"... you kick ass! double live gonzo! intensity in ten cities! live at budakon!

here's a little recap recap of the stupendous game!



"this might be over quicker than we think..." quoteth the portleman.

for a real proper-like re-cap of the game and all things phillies baseball and other sports stuff please go to the dalembert report.

go phillies!!!!!

baby you can drive my car... to the drive-in!

ahh... the delsea drive-in... how i love theeee! tonight i am waiting for a few pal-erinos to whisk me away to the only drive-in movie theater in the great state of new jersey. this may or may not be the last weekend it will be open for the season. not for sure sure, but i'm like pretty sure. a tear. this means the fall is straight up here! which is fine and dandy with me, i love me some holloweeeeeen! but i will miss you summer. we had some major bonding q.t. with you at our secret lost lake of vineland, new jerz and the dear dear drive-in. mostly with this crew hurrr: (claire, sarah, and steph)


here we are earlier in the sum-summah. don't remember much except for the fact that we drank two bottles of veuve, mad cheese fries, and laughed incessently. oh, the joy!

so, as it turns out i am going majorly behind my girls back. steph is working at swank bubs, and claire and sarah are both working at fergie's and are very very upset with yours truly for venturing to vineland without them. they are sooo jeal. but whatEVER! just cause you turds have to work i have to suffer to make you feel better. big NAY-NO to that one. sor.

sarah DID threaten me. and i got scurrrred. wanna know why? cause she did THIS to our door guy last night. yiiiiikes.



ooooh! here we go. yayayay. to all of you who have not visited this amazing land--you must before it's too late! i plan to making another voyage next weekend if it's still open. seeen? seen!

you must...

come to this party. it's gonna be off-the-hoooooooook!



p.s. barack obama is speaking in north-north phil tomorrow maaaaaad early. i WILL in fact be getting up at 5:45am to be there when doors open at 6:15. anyone wanna jump on the bandwagon with yours truly?? i'm a real jem in the morning.

here's to me! and me! and me! and meee!!!!!!

so on my birthday, i "worked" and by "worked" i mean got two extra people to work with (for) me so i could get incredibly wasted with all my friends but still make money on all my friends coming to see meeeee!

luckily! i brought my trusty new flip camera out with me so everyone could tell funny ali stories/testimonials. most are totes inappropes (in part because the "main theme" of the evening was partners of the intimate nature of alison wadsworth ha!), so an apology to part-time director eric mosca, some of the videos (which really truly are some of the greatest short films/clips i have ever seen--not just because they talk about my exploits and savageness--but because they were beautifully crafted into ultimate perfection/"art" and they're funny as shit) may not be shared by the blogmaster, i.e. me (in case my mother or ellen solms were to peruse this post, i would prefer not to hang my head in shame for the rest of my life). if you would like to have a private viewing of said videos, please contact thine blogmaster and she will make them available to/for you via email.

here they be.

janet nicol milliman's story has been removed by the blog master due to copyright infringement a.k.a. ali embarrassment clause code 8.13. unfortunately it's a very lovely story about a 17-year old named dirty dan.

brian nadav's story has been removed by the blogmaster due to the fact that it is extremely embarrassing on his his part. not mine. hence: i'm a good person.

behold lily cope flashing the camera with our daytona beach friendship shirts. bffaeaeaeaeaeaeaeae (times infinity):



samuel slaughter:



eric mosca (additional videos including "secret sexual subjects numbers one through four" may in fact be removed, due to copyright infringement a.k.a. ali embarrassment clause code 8.13):



eric kaplan's story is obviously true:



shawn "jawn" hennessey (additional shawn video may in fact be removed, due to copyright infringement a.k.a. ali embarrassment clause code 8.13):



bob babjak has a really funny story to tell:



timothy arnold in a sweeeeeeeeeeeet kangol hat:



brian mc cafferty:



jacob weiss (additional jake video may in fact be removed, due to copyright infringement a.k.a. ali embarrassment clause code 8.13):



like, elizabeth solms:



and... jonas. sweet, sweet lovely jonas t. oesterle:



ah. thanks for coming out and supporting this very grateful and thankful 28-year old. especially those of you that flew black from santa fe mad late the night before. and thanks to eric, eric, jarred, and brian who at the stroke of midnight pulled out a "birthday cake" with smuggled matches and whisper sang happy birthday to me mid-flight. it was oh-so-wonderful.

santa fe re-cap on it's way. just waiting on some JERKS to send me some pictures. anyday now...

happy birthday to meeeeeee!

whatwhat??! today's my birthday. i'm twenty-eight. recogniiiiiiiiize!

last night claire and stephrock threw me an impromptu fab birthday suprise party with lots-o-candy, wine, 'pagne, and scary masks when i returned totes late from the airport. (more to come tomorrow on glorious santa fe gourney, mentally exhausted from super weekend and physically exhausted from birthday drinking during the day at ray's happy birthday bar...) today mom came down from north north jerz to take me, claire, heidi and sadie out for BIRTHDAY PHO at my favorite vietnamese choo choo train place at 9th and race. then we went for a birthday shot.

mom got me this totes awes birthday prezzie. check it:



thanks ma! thanks to you i will have mucho video for my blog!! how excited are you now, my fine feathered blogowers?!

t'will be "working" tonight at the fire. thanks to my little helper paulo, i will be able to fully enjoy the company of my lovely friends stopping by to celebrate the greatness that is me. hope to see you there!!!

out of the office automatic reply.

hello my brethren!

so sor that i'm being a crap-matic blogger the past few days. i'm currently in santa fe, NM living in up for reeeeaaaals in honor of the union of abby fammartino and eric hickey. i am having waaay too much fun to stop having fun to blog about how much fun i'm having. but don't you fret! all will be documented for your eyes' pleasure after i return on sunday. then monday is my birthday. it's totes sweet and desert-y here.

until we meet again...

zombie, what?

yeah. we went to the zombie prom. it was sweet.

so i came back from my first band meeting/practice with cope david, who is hands down, my favoritest singer in the whole wide world. i am super-uber excited about our upcoming mega band/project--but more about that later...

so... where was i? right. came home and called my homegirl steph-dog and she was all like what should we do tonight? and i was all like i don't know. and then she was all like let's go see some live music! and i was all like that was totes what i wanted to do! so i mass texted mad peeps to see if there was any good shows a-happenin. then got mad responses but the one thing that caught mon oeille was a little something called zombie prom. and steph was sooooo down.

so we waited for claire (after getting in our bestest prom attire: me in 80's tube dress, steph as my butchy-man-date) who spent her day working as a server for the one! the only! elizabeth solms and super totes rad company sweet pea nourishment at a waaay swankalicious cocktail party in nut hill. we got the maj hook-up on the leftovers--for reeeeaaaals. excellent drunken munchies: the best goat cheese ever, local butter, chevre + mint spread, white bean + rosemary spread, beeeyoutiful bread (that i can't eat, obvi), steak!, and sooooo much more. thanks sliz!






so off we were! me and my two bull-dike-a-licios dates. it was like waaaaay fun. for those of you who didn't attend this year, make sure you get all bloodied and zombified up for next year's zombie prom which is put on by the philly zombie crawl to bring in the holloween season with a big bang! this year mr. halloween rang a big gong to commence the start of my favoritest season! we met zombie jesus and wierd zombie pirate dude and zombie flying monkey (who sneak monkey farted on claire. so messed up) and danced like there was no tomorrow to THRILLER!!!! you knooow i held that shit down on the dance floor!!!!

ah. it was sweet. and just so you know when you see me in the next few day i am seriously stained with fake blood. i can't get this shit off. i look like a mass murderer. any advice on removing blood stains from human flesh??

a gathering of gods. with really great hair.

i can't speak. (i guess it's a good thing i'm writing then, huh?! buh-doom-ching!) this... well, this is pretty much the greatest thing i have ever seen. reasons why you need to spend the next seven minutes and twelve seconds completely/totes engrossed by this phenomenomenom:

1. do these names mean anything to you? (and if they don't, i pity your soul) The Nuge! Vince Neill! RONNIE JAMES DIO!!! DON DOKKEN! Spinal Tap! Journey! ROB HALFORD & judas motherfucking priest! Twisted Sister! YNGWIE MALMSTEEN!!!!! iron maiden! Quiet Riot! Blue Oyster Cult! queensryche! uh, yeah, i know. your mind is exploding? mine too. it's okay. we'll get through this together. but just wait til you find out why they're all here, right now on this here youtube video....

which leads us to...
2. the fact that they formed this supergroup to raise awareness for starvation/famine in ethiopia. (remember bono and sexy sting singing so this is christmas? and bruce springsteen and tito jackson singing we are the world? well it's sort-of like that) it's true! this jerkoff-fest is actually for a good cause! i love imagining the thought-nuggets forming and how they morphed into this monstrosity. they're all fighting... not just to out-wail, or out-noodle next finely coiffed butt rocker, but fighting to "end hunger, man".

3. the hair. it's truly glorious. wowee zowee if this isn't a perfect example of how to look a) cool b) bitchin c)radical, then my name isn't alison "pistols and peonies" wadsworth.

4. the song. wha-wha-wha-whaaaa???? what the hell does it all mean? are you there god? it's me ali.

see for your self. it may just change your life. or haunt your dreams. save diff.




you know in the simpsons when marge is bitching at homer and you zoom in on his head and all that's going on is a monkey playing the cymbols? yeah, i'm homer. but instead of percussion monkey, i only see "we are stars" on repeat over and over and over and over again. serenity now!

great. wonderful.grand.

we sure showed that bitch.

so yesterday as i was juggling my bike and these delicious tasty treats for rachel davey's birthday partay, i got a frantic phone call from lily cope, "OMG. sarah palin's in town! let's go throw shit at her!" so i dropped everything--literally. the beautifully delicious cupcakes that i can't eat, became a congealed mass of pastel colored frosting--grabbed janet, and sped away to the irish pub (which is now numero uno on ali's boycott 2008 list). there, we found a screaming angry mob of philadelphia's finest: the democratoc par-tay-heyyyy!!!!

bitch was in our city for a fundraiser with all 4 of the philadelphian bow-tie/pearls wearing republicans. this is what the scene was like on the inside. she would like to thank you.



outside, it was mayhem. it was pandemonium. and it was angry. what the hell are you doing invading my city? screw you chumpstain! get out! most people shouted "OBAMA! OBAMA!" and "SARAH GO HOME! SARAH GO HOME!!" i shouted "DOUCHEBAG!" over a hundred times and "BOOOOED" like a goddamn champ. imagine me as THIS:



so here's what it was like OUTSIDE the irish shithole.



bow down to her if you want! bow to her! bow to queen of slime! the queen of filth! the queen of putrescence! booo! boooooooo! rubbish! filth! slime! muck! booooooooooooooooooooo!!!

ya know what could really help you sort through these important issues?

ORANGE MOCHA FRAPACCINOS!

ha ha.

this guy farted.

some glutarded evening... you may meet a stranger...

like marc summers from double dare!



it's true! it's true! he walked past us at the 5th Annual Appetite for Awareness hosted by the National Foundation for Celiac Awareness (NFCA) at the wachovia center last night. unfortunately i have no proof, as in cell phone camera validation, but you can take my word. and if that's not enough, you can take lily cope's word--which is stronger than oak.


buuuuuuut, we did meet miss philadelphia, the lovely brintha vasagar (bottom photo). she was accompanied by her dad who was oh so cute. i'm honored to have her representing our fine city. we also met who we thought was miss pennsylvania (top photo), but upon closer inspection we realized was "miss teen" pennsylavina in mega-fine print. we were drawn to her because of all of her jonbenet ramsey-like entourage following her around the fest. behold the girl in blue. her teeth sparkled with vaseline.

oh, how very un-ali-like. i forgot to mention my neck brace. well, there it is. i look cool, i know. but it's not just a fashion statement. it's actually holding my head up. i'm like an infant now. but after amazing massage from my friend deliah (jealous much, JESS??!) i'm currently feeling muuuch better. thank you for your concern.

in closing, we met ANOTHER celebrity. andre iguodala from the sixers. embarrasingly enough, we took the picture knowing he was a basketball player (only because of his height, and others gathering around for photos) but not who the fuck he was. we were hoping sam slaughter of the famed dalembert report to clear that up for us.


i am a goddamned midget next to both giants. geeeesh.

and i thought i was unhealthy.

um, ew. the landlord busted into this place in houston, texas after not receiveing payment for a month. and they found this. gag. see all the pictures here. supposedly there are 2 cats living there but they couldn't find them--they called the spca. and they can't get in touch with this nasty bitch because so many people left cuz of the hurricane. i'm just dying to see what this woman looks like.

peter wayne burton, animation panelist.

my EX-keyboard playah (for unlikley cowboy) got whisked up in the whirlwind of animation. like 3 months ago. now he's the director of animation at FOX AND! a speaker on the panel at the ottowa 08 international animation festival. with the future of animation in his sexy hands, i feel real good about what is to come. way to go meter!

so i get this email from my friend liz...

and it only says, "i think u may want to buy this". so i clicked on this here link and it brought me to HORSETOPIA (will become my web addiction, guaranteed) where this lil' mini pony is up for sale.



it's only $225. someone MUST have a yard/stable where i can keep this lil' guy. OMFG. seriously. mom?? claire???? SANTA? anyone.......

best neck injury EVER.

do i throw the term "best day of my life" around a bit too much? WELL, this time i mean it more than i'm sure all the other best days of my life. oh and FYI i also have like a bazillion bffs. depending on whom i'm speaking with, everyone/everything is the best. ever.

anyhoo.... saturday i worked my lil' buns off. then furiously biked to the give festival in liberty lands park to catch the last few bands of the day. my friends worked like so totally hard to put on this totes rad fest, and this year was def the best yet.

behold pictures of heidi (it's her bday tomorrow!!! come get crunk with us!) with SADIE!! with her protective headgear and of course, demon freak lily cope. please pay special attention to bulging snake eyes, the multiple layers of teeth, and pointy elvin nose. i promised lily i'd put her pic up on my blog, i'm sure she wasn't expecting the photo of the devil incarnate...

fun night. whew...

ok. now to sixmotherfuckingflags. why are roller coasters so awesome? why do they make me so incredibly happy?? so, we went sunday in honor of sarah's birthday. (hint, hint: birthday idea for your truly--or some other equivalent great adventure. october 6th bitches.) here's sarah and i on the first ride of the day: great american scream machine. we got to know the two kids in front of us pretty well when the ride broke down at the end. bum-mer. and besides looking so incredibly cool, kid on right had both birds waving proudly, so (as per six flags policy) the awkward 14-year-old at the photo booth had to cover up his fingers. loooooser. also notice the dual gum-chewing action.



now to the most important coaster at hand. kingda fucking ka. i can't say much about it except for the fact that it's the world's tallest and the world's fastest rollercoaster. EVER. insaaaaaaaaaane. here's a video of the front of the ride. someone snuck a camera in, and there's no way in H-E-double hockey stick that this video does the coaster justice at all, but you get the idea.



here we are right after the descent. balls. (L-R: miss sarah davey, me me me me!, claire bear, rachel davey, lewis, and jamie)


my mind was blown. BLOWN I TELL YOU!!!!


and let me tell you. bartending the day after a minor rollercoaster induced neck injury is no picnic. but so fucking worth it.

good old war on mtv!!

vote for good old war on mtvu now now NOW!!!!!! and you can vote again and again and again.



let's get some good music back on mtv!!!!

little lord fauntelroy found a mate!

my mind is exploooding. whoa. sploooge! okay... i don't know if any of you are familiar with my favorite obsession/idol peter pan. you can find him here at pixyland. here he is in all his glory modeling one of many many pan outfits:



okay, before the big reveal (i found out about his girlf/fiance via a new page he designed specifically for her. and it's just precious), i would like to fill you in on why i am so totes head-over-motherfucking-heels for this boi. first of all, he uses words like boi. and kewl. and wabbit. and total cuteness overload. and he honest-to christ thinks he's five a five year old boi! ah, it's just so admiring and inspiring and scary and annoying and KEWL.

make sure to check out the best page of them all, which is the outfit database/fashion pages, which is the motherfuckingmotherload of the best pictures/outfits you will ever see in your entire life. for cereal. be sure to check out my favs: little lord fauntelroy and the back to school montage. it's refreshing and utterly deeeelightful.

okay. her she is with my boi (jezuz mfc. i can't stop writing boi! god it's irritating. yet so fun!) they made these outfits together. so totes cute. her name is dorothy and she looks like a sweet little treat. like baby's breath. like babies. and breath. hot garbage breath. sike, naw. seriously though, i need to meet these people and get inside their heads! who's down for a pilgrimage to tampa??



hot damn!