zombie, what?

yeah. we went to the zombie prom. it was sweet.

so i came back from my first band meeting/practice with cope david, who is hands down, my favoritest singer in the whole wide world. i am super-uber excited about our upcoming mega band/project--but more about that later...

so... where was i? right. came home and called my homegirl steph-dog and she was all like what should we do tonight? and i was all like i don't know. and then she was all like let's go see some live music! and i was all like that was totes what i wanted to do! so i mass texted mad peeps to see if there was any good shows a-happenin. then got mad responses but the one thing that caught mon oeille was a little something called zombie prom. and steph was sooooo down.

so we waited for claire (after getting in our bestest prom attire: me in 80's tube dress, steph as my butchy-man-date) who spent her day working as a server for the one! the only! elizabeth solms and super totes rad company sweet pea nourishment at a waaay swankalicious cocktail party in nut hill. we got the maj hook-up on the leftovers--for reeeeaaaals. excellent drunken munchies: the best goat cheese ever, local butter, chevre + mint spread, white bean + rosemary spread, beeeyoutiful bread (that i can't eat, obvi), steak!, and sooooo much more. thanks sliz!






so off we were! me and my two bull-dike-a-licios dates. it was like waaaaay fun. for those of you who didn't attend this year, make sure you get all bloodied and zombified up for next year's zombie prom which is put on by the philly zombie crawl to bring in the holloween season with a big bang! this year mr. halloween rang a big gong to commence the start of my favoritest season! we met zombie jesus and wierd zombie pirate dude and zombie flying monkey (who sneak monkey farted on claire. so messed up) and danced like there was no tomorrow to THRILLER!!!! you knooow i held that shit down on the dance floor!!!!

ah. it was sweet. and just so you know when you see me in the next few day i am seriously stained with fake blood. i can't get this shit off. i look like a mass murderer. any advice on removing blood stains from human flesh??

a gathering of gods. with really great hair.

i can't speak. (i guess it's a good thing i'm writing then, huh?! buh-doom-ching!) this... well, this is pretty much the greatest thing i have ever seen. reasons why you need to spend the next seven minutes and twelve seconds completely/totes engrossed by this phenomenomenom:

1. do these names mean anything to you? (and if they don't, i pity your soul) The Nuge! Vince Neill! RONNIE JAMES DIO!!! DON DOKKEN! Spinal Tap! Journey! ROB HALFORD & judas motherfucking priest! Twisted Sister! YNGWIE MALMSTEEN!!!!! iron maiden! Quiet Riot! Blue Oyster Cult! queensryche! uh, yeah, i know. your mind is exploding? mine too. it's okay. we'll get through this together. but just wait til you find out why they're all here, right now on this here youtube video....

which leads us to...
2. the fact that they formed this supergroup to raise awareness for starvation/famine in ethiopia. (remember bono and sexy sting singing so this is christmas? and bruce springsteen and tito jackson singing we are the world? well it's sort-of like that) it's true! this jerkoff-fest is actually for a good cause! i love imagining the thought-nuggets forming and how they morphed into this monstrosity. they're all fighting... not just to out-wail, or out-noodle next finely coiffed butt rocker, but fighting to "end hunger, man".

3. the hair. it's truly glorious. wowee zowee if this isn't a perfect example of how to look a) cool b) bitchin c)radical, then my name isn't alison "pistols and peonies" wadsworth.

4. the song. wha-wha-wha-whaaaa???? what the hell does it all mean? are you there god? it's me ali.

see for your self. it may just change your life. or haunt your dreams. save diff.




you know in the simpsons when marge is bitching at homer and you zoom in on his head and all that's going on is a monkey playing the cymbols? yeah, i'm homer. but instead of percussion monkey, i only see "we are stars" on repeat over and over and over and over again. serenity now!

great. wonderful.grand.

we sure showed that bitch.

so yesterday as i was juggling my bike and these delicious tasty treats for rachel davey's birthday partay, i got a frantic phone call from lily cope, "OMG. sarah palin's in town! let's go throw shit at her!" so i dropped everything--literally. the beautifully delicious cupcakes that i can't eat, became a congealed mass of pastel colored frosting--grabbed janet, and sped away to the irish pub (which is now numero uno on ali's boycott 2008 list). there, we found a screaming angry mob of philadelphia's finest: the democratoc par-tay-heyyyy!!!!

bitch was in our city for a fundraiser with all 4 of the philadelphian bow-tie/pearls wearing republicans. this is what the scene was like on the inside. she would like to thank you.



outside, it was mayhem. it was pandemonium. and it was angry. what the hell are you doing invading my city? screw you chumpstain! get out! most people shouted "OBAMA! OBAMA!" and "SARAH GO HOME! SARAH GO HOME!!" i shouted "DOUCHEBAG!" over a hundred times and "BOOOOED" like a goddamn champ. imagine me as THIS:



so here's what it was like OUTSIDE the irish shithole.



bow down to her if you want! bow to her! bow to queen of slime! the queen of filth! the queen of putrescence! booo! boooooooo! rubbish! filth! slime! muck! booooooooooooooooooooo!!!

ya know what could really help you sort through these important issues?

ORANGE MOCHA FRAPACCINOS!

ha ha.

this guy farted.

some glutarded evening... you may meet a stranger...

like marc summers from double dare!



it's true! it's true! he walked past us at the 5th Annual Appetite for Awareness hosted by the National Foundation for Celiac Awareness (NFCA) at the wachovia center last night. unfortunately i have no proof, as in cell phone camera validation, but you can take my word. and if that's not enough, you can take lily cope's word--which is stronger than oak.


buuuuuuut, we did meet miss philadelphia, the lovely brintha vasagar (bottom photo). she was accompanied by her dad who was oh so cute. i'm honored to have her representing our fine city. we also met who we thought was miss pennsylvania (top photo), but upon closer inspection we realized was "miss teen" pennsylavina in mega-fine print. we were drawn to her because of all of her jonbenet ramsey-like entourage following her around the fest. behold the girl in blue. her teeth sparkled with vaseline.

oh, how very un-ali-like. i forgot to mention my neck brace. well, there it is. i look cool, i know. but it's not just a fashion statement. it's actually holding my head up. i'm like an infant now. but after amazing massage from my friend deliah (jealous much, JESS??!) i'm currently feeling muuuch better. thank you for your concern.

in closing, we met ANOTHER celebrity. andre iguodala from the sixers. embarrasingly enough, we took the picture knowing he was a basketball player (only because of his height, and others gathering around for photos) but not who the fuck he was. we were hoping sam slaughter of the famed dalembert report to clear that up for us.


i am a goddamned midget next to both giants. geeeesh.

and i thought i was unhealthy.

um, ew. the landlord busted into this place in houston, texas after not receiveing payment for a month. and they found this. gag. see all the pictures here. supposedly there are 2 cats living there but they couldn't find them--they called the spca. and they can't get in touch with this nasty bitch because so many people left cuz of the hurricane. i'm just dying to see what this woman looks like.

peter wayne burton, animation panelist.

my EX-keyboard playah (for unlikley cowboy) got whisked up in the whirlwind of animation. like 3 months ago. now he's the director of animation at FOX AND! a speaker on the panel at the ottowa 08 international animation festival. with the future of animation in his sexy hands, i feel real good about what is to come. way to go meter!

so i get this email from my friend liz...

and it only says, "i think u may want to buy this". so i clicked on this here link and it brought me to HORSETOPIA (will become my web addiction, guaranteed) where this lil' mini pony is up for sale.



it's only $225. someone MUST have a yard/stable where i can keep this lil' guy. OMFG. seriously. mom?? claire???? SANTA? anyone.......

best neck injury EVER.

do i throw the term "best day of my life" around a bit too much? WELL, this time i mean it more than i'm sure all the other best days of my life. oh and FYI i also have like a bazillion bffs. depending on whom i'm speaking with, everyone/everything is the best. ever.

anyhoo.... saturday i worked my lil' buns off. then furiously biked to the give festival in liberty lands park to catch the last few bands of the day. my friends worked like so totally hard to put on this totes rad fest, and this year was def the best yet.

behold pictures of heidi (it's her bday tomorrow!!! come get crunk with us!) with SADIE!! with her protective headgear and of course, demon freak lily cope. please pay special attention to bulging snake eyes, the multiple layers of teeth, and pointy elvin nose. i promised lily i'd put her pic up on my blog, i'm sure she wasn't expecting the photo of the devil incarnate...

fun night. whew...

ok. now to sixmotherfuckingflags. why are roller coasters so awesome? why do they make me so incredibly happy?? so, we went sunday in honor of sarah's birthday. (hint, hint: birthday idea for your truly--or some other equivalent great adventure. october 6th bitches.) here's sarah and i on the first ride of the day: great american scream machine. we got to know the two kids in front of us pretty well when the ride broke down at the end. bum-mer. and besides looking so incredibly cool, kid on right had both birds waving proudly, so (as per six flags policy) the awkward 14-year-old at the photo booth had to cover up his fingers. loooooser. also notice the dual gum-chewing action.



now to the most important coaster at hand. kingda fucking ka. i can't say much about it except for the fact that it's the world's tallest and the world's fastest rollercoaster. EVER. insaaaaaaaaaane. here's a video of the front of the ride. someone snuck a camera in, and there's no way in H-E-double hockey stick that this video does the coaster justice at all, but you get the idea.



here we are right after the descent. balls. (L-R: miss sarah davey, me me me me!, claire bear, rachel davey, lewis, and jamie)


my mind was blown. BLOWN I TELL YOU!!!!


and let me tell you. bartending the day after a minor rollercoaster induced neck injury is no picnic. but so fucking worth it.

good old war on mtv!!

vote for good old war on mtvu now now NOW!!!!!! and you can vote again and again and again.



let's get some good music back on mtv!!!!

little lord fauntelroy found a mate!

my mind is exploooding. whoa. sploooge! okay... i don't know if any of you are familiar with my favorite obsession/idol peter pan. you can find him here at pixyland. here he is in all his glory modeling one of many many pan outfits:



okay, before the big reveal (i found out about his girlf/fiance via a new page he designed specifically for her. and it's just precious), i would like to fill you in on why i am so totes head-over-motherfucking-heels for this boi. first of all, he uses words like boi. and kewl. and wabbit. and total cuteness overload. and he honest-to christ thinks he's five a five year old boi! ah, it's just so admiring and inspiring and scary and annoying and KEWL.

make sure to check out the best page of them all, which is the outfit database/fashion pages, which is the motherfuckingmotherload of the best pictures/outfits you will ever see in your entire life. for cereal. be sure to check out my favs: little lord fauntelroy and the back to school montage. it's refreshing and utterly deeeelightful.

okay. her she is with my boi (jezuz mfc. i can't stop writing boi! god it's irritating. yet so fun!) they made these outfits together. so totes cute. her name is dorothy and she looks like a sweet little treat. like baby's breath. like babies. and breath. hot garbage breath. sike, naw. seriously though, i need to meet these people and get inside their heads! who's down for a pilgrimage to tampa??



hot damn!

i love my famous friends.

like, whoa dude. totes awes. stayed up waaaaay late to see my buddies/bandmates good old war and anthony green on the carson daly show. they looked so amazing and like majorly cool dude. will re-blog with actual video tomorrow, just wanted to give you highlights/amaz cellphone photos from where i viewed the magnificance: the sidecar bar before i pass the eff out. ah... notice tim (drummer)'s shirt with c'est claire logo--my sister's solo project/t-shirt i designed, keith, anthony and dan looking insaaanely cool as the serious rockstars they are. i'm bursting at the seams here. exploooooding with pride and amazement. i love them. almost too much to form into words. just figure it out yourselves. night, night. t'will be looking for shelter in my dreams...

hakuna matata! a day in the life of you-know-whooo.

last night i dreamed of pho. it was a wonderful dream. pho is everything i could ever want in a meal. it's pretty much my favorite food. no big deal. so i called my girls and went to get pho.


it's saaadie! my lovely lovely god-daughter. yes, i am a god mother. i am also a registered minister with the universal life church. i can perform weddings, funerals, baptisms, bar/bat mitzvahs, but sorry, no circumcisms. i am NOT a registered moyl.


liz getting passionate about all the injustices in the world.

family....... sigh.

after we made mexican fusion-themed din-din, we went to northbowl specifically to play buck hunter. heidi was really adament about giving me pointers cause she's reeeaaaaally good.


guess who won. ahem. i shot more ducks in the end=i got more points in the end=i am the victor. i'm not normally one to rub it in though... look at me! i'm a regular old sarah palin!! except we weren't shooting moose to make moose-getti. and i'm not a scary asshole .



now i'm at heidi's and blogging on frosty's com-pooter...


watching the golden girls. it's like a really good one too. dorothy and sophia were competing in a mother/daughter competition. here they are as sunny bono & cher. anyone? anyone?? halloween costume idea with yours truly??? we won't just be sonny & cher... we'll be dorothy and sophia AS sonny & cher. you're welcome.


and who woulda guessed it! they won!! omfg! forreeeeaaaaalz. we also decided that heidi is so totes betty white and i'm forrealz dorothy. and how good is the theme song!

Thank you for being a friend
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true your a pal and a confidant.

And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.

getting sleepy next to my god-dog. (whoa. that was so cool. palandrome, dude.) miss freida is still kickin it in styyyyyle yo. and she looks so regal and rawesome with the camera-phone flash glistening in her cone-eye. i ruv you rfeeedee!!!


ali out!

whatever happened to binaca?

does anyone still use this?

butt bandit vandals town with greasy groin imprint.

read me. seriously. besides being the best tongue-twister EVER, it's also a truemotherfucking story. description of the villain/culprit is perfect. and sexy.

jon mosca is a genius.

one day, i was talking with jon mosca about someone's bachelor party. (can't remember who, but it is totes irrelevant to the story/revelation anyway, so whatev) fun little nuggets were exchanged--stippers, booze, etc... all of a sudden, jon goes, "wait! i'm a bachelor! why can't i have a bachelor party??!" which got me thinking: I'M A BACHERLORETTE!

so i decided to make my own registry. feel free to buy me things. and throw me a totally radical bachelorette party. i will be adding to my registry whenever i see something totally rad, so, check it frequently.

the los angicles chronicles, part quatre: to our guides/personal drivers...

thanks for driving our asses all around your fine city. and thanks for letting hurricane wadsworth invade your space/homes and into your world for a couple of weeks. we love you oh! so very much.

the los angicles chronicles, part trois: how have i lived so long with out you?

oh, beach. the sweet sweet beach. i think i miss you the most.

i love how your wind whispered inspirations to me during my long roller skating adventures along manhattan beach. i love your beautiful surfer boys. i love your sandcastles and celebrities making sandcastles (holler sexy scott bakula from quantum leap with pecs glistening in the sun!). i love your burnt-out old-ass hippies still on an LSD trip from 1964 bugging the fuck out in venice whilst bloody baby-punching barfights ensue. i love how your sand follows me everywhere, even back to philadelphia. i love your savage tan that you gave me. i love your reggae festivals on the santa monica pier and dancing in your sand drunk as a skunk. i love skinny dipping with you at midnight. i love how you made me so very happy.







here we are in venice. we came for the doors cover band, stayed for the crazies. and barfights. and shiteous food. and pitchers of delicious beer (of which i had no glutarded part in, but it looked refreshing and yummy). the fearless skinny crazy bitch behind jess is none other than carrie, my new bff. she told jake his body was a wonderland.





we spent a few days on manhattan beach and it just so happens to have become my favorite beach. there's some serious magic in the air there, and it's not just the nuclear power plant down the beach or the copius amounts of ganj or the lovely surfers. it's just far enough from LA that it feels like a whole other world. everyone we met there was happy as a goddamn clam. they surf every single fucking day and they make sure they have jobs that will allow them to do so. they've got it all figured out. it's just like sesame street. it's perfect. can you tell me how to get... back to manhattan beach?





one of the greatest things about being on vacay is drinking during the day. especially when that entails two-for-one margharita happy hour at a tropical gay bar in west hollywood.









toots and the maytals played on the santa monica pier. we picnicked on the beach. we made pina coladas. we danced danced danced with some israelis. we peed under the pier. we wished we never had to leave....